You'll Always Be Beautiful
by DegrassiDrinkin
Summary: Clare and Jake are having problems post-Nowhere To Run. Clare is acting very clingy and Jake doesn't like it. Who will be there to pick up the pieces and take care of a very drunk Clare?
1. You've Lost That Loving Feeling

**I'm not sure if I will continue the other story or not. I originally thought of it as being a stand alone story, but I did start writing another chapter. This story will be about three or four chapters and it will be about Clare. It takes place after Nowhere to Run at the start of the new school year. There will be some Eli eventually, but it has to start out with Jake. Enjoy.**

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><p>Ever since the cabin trip Clare and Jake had been officially back together. It didn't matter that Clare hadn't even been invited to Jake's cabin for the party, and everyone else was. Or that she had caught him kissing her best friend, Alli, that was behind them now. Or so Jake thought at least.<p>

Clare had been quite lovely-dovey since they rekindled their relationship. Jake had enjoyed it for the first few weeks, thinking that she was just trying to make up for their lost time, but lately it had been getting to be a bit much. All Clare ever wanted to do was hang out with Jake. "Doesn't she have any friends? Oh, that's right Alli was her only friend after that whole Eli thing and now I ruined that." Jake thought to himself.

All Jake wanted to do this coming weekend was to hang out with Drew, they had become friends after the cabin trip and got to ditch their girlfriends and hang out every so often. Or maybe even just go fishing with his father. Heck, with the way Clare has been acting all week Jake would be happy if his father asked him to put in a few extra hours of work for the remolding business this weekend if it meant getting time away from Clare.

"Hey, Jake", Clare started on their ride to school in the truck. Jake always had to drive her to school. Their parents made him. And since they were technically brother and sister now and living together it did make sense for them to ride in to school together.

"Yes Clare", Jake asked emotionless. He was hoping for a quiet ride today and was enjoying the radio morning show. That one that he knew Clare found rude and offensive.

"Let's do something fun this weekend, just the two of us." Clare had been trying to think of something special to celebrate their reunion. Having no girlfriends to bounce ideas off of, well no one at all really, it took her until this morning while getting ready for school for an idea to hit her.

"Ok… what did you have in mind?" This cannot be good Jake thought to himself, but decided it would be best to just humor Clare. No sense in getting her all worked up right before they had to walk into school together. Jake found, that with Clare, the path of least resistance was usually the easiest. She could be such a drama queen sometimes.

"I was thinking you and I could go away over night somewhere, spend the night together. Alone. Maybe we could go up to our cabin?" Clare suggested.

"And how do you propose we will get away with that one?" Jake wasn't stupid. He knew what would happen if he and Clare were alone together. He knew that she would want to sleep with him, and by sleep that is exactly what Clare meant. Sleep. It didn't seem worth the trouble of even trying to evade their parents. And Jake was pretty sure that their parents were starting to catch on as it was.

"I don't think we'd be able to sneak that past our parents. They would know something is up if we both just happen to spend the night away from home at the same time. They know you don't really hang out with any friend lately, so that cover would be very see-thru. Plus, I promised Drew we could hang out this weekend." Jake made up that last part. He felt kind of bad about it, but he really didn't feel like sneaking around this weekend.

Jake parked the truck in his usual spot at grabbed his bag to get out.

"It's just that… I thought we could celebrate getting back together this weekend." Clare sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

"Clare, we've been back together for weeks now. No need to celebrate. I already took you out to dinner the night we got back from the cabin trip. Wasn't that celebration enough?" Jake was starting to get annoyed now. Couldn't they ever just have a nice, quiet morning?

"I just thought—"

"You thought what Clare? I know you didn't think we were going to have sex this weekend. If that's the case, though, I would be more than willing to cancel my plans with Drew." Jake didn't even care anymore. He knew a fight was coming anyway, might as well lay all of his cards out on the table. At least they didn't have any classes together and he wouldn't have to see her again until lunch.

"No, I just—"

"You just want to continue to be extremely clingy and never let me have a moment's peace?" Jake knew she would be pissed later.

"Jake, I—"

"Clare, please, it's getting old. And we have to get to school. I can't be late to Perino's class again this week!" And with that Jake opened his door to get out, slammed it closed and walked into school.

By the time Jake stopped at his locker and made it to class, Clare was just pulling her self together and getting out of the truck. She rushed into school and straight to class, not having time to stop by her locker. She made it just as the bell rang and sat down next to Adam, thankful that she still had at least one person that would be nice to her.

"You look like crap. Everything alright?" Adam whispered.

"Gee, thanks Adam. Good morning to you too." So much for someone being nice to her this morning, Clare thought and sighed as she placed her head into her hands.

"I'm sorry, but really. Are you okay?" Adam asked.

"I guess. I just. Jake. This weekend." Clare sniffed.

"Full sentences maybe? I can't really read your mind." Adam was trying very hard not to get angry with Clare.

"I wanted to do something special with Jake this weekend but he blew me off and wouldn't even talk about it and he said he had plans with Drew and he doesn't think I would want to sleep with him and he's afraid our parent's might find out if we go to the cabin alone." Clare blurted out quickly.

"You're going to have sex with Jake!" Adam was shocked.

"Well, I don't know. I wasn't ruling it out, but he wouldn't even let me talk. He just kept cutting me off. And here I thought I had such a good idea to celebrate our getting back together." Clare said.

"Clare, I don't think having sex with your step-brother is such a good idea."

"I know, Adam. I just… I just don't know what else to do. At the wedding all he could talk about was getting back together and now, three weeks later, he barely even wants to talk to me. How did this even happen?" Clare was getting whiney now.

"I don't know, but Jake never seemed like he was a one woman kind of man to me. I mean you did just catch him kissing your best friend."

"EX- best friend." Clare pointed out.

"That's not the point. Jake isn't really boyfriend material." Adam didn't know how to make his point any clearer.

Clare only frowned back and Adam thought that meant it was time to actually pay attention to their class.

A few minutes later Clare gasped, "Oh Adam, who am I going to sit with at lunch today? I CAN'T sit with Jake."

"Sit with me." was Adams obvious response.

"But wouldn't that be weird? I mean, Eli…"

"Will be at a meeting for the play with Fi and Imo. I was going to have to sit with Drew and you guys today anyway."

"Oh Adam. You're such a lifesaver!"

Later at lunch Jake was not surprised when Clare didn't join him at their usual lunch table. It did upset him a bit, though, when he saw that she was sitting at Eli's usual table.

"Hey dude." Drew said, slapping Jake on the shoulder and sitting down, "Bee just told me she's having a party tomorrow night. You in?"

"Yes! That's perfect. I already told Clare I was hanging out with you this weekend. I was just about to ask you what we could do." Jake was getting excited now.

"Is something up with you and Clare, man? I couldn't help but notice that she's sitting over there with my brother and not here with you, her boyfriend." Drew asked.

Jake glanced over at where Clare was a noticed it was still only Clare and Adam. That made him happy.

"Well… we kind of had a fight this morning. She wanted to go up to the cabin over night this weekend. Just me and her, but I told her it wasn't a good idea. I was kind of mean to her, but I'm sick of her drama. Everything is always such a big deal with her."

"Jake, dude. You got to dump her. She's bringing you down. Come to Bee's party and meet some other girls. No need to stay with Clare. She's your sister, that's weird man." Drew so eloquently stated.

"I think I might do just that." Jake smiled.

Meanwhile, across the lunchroom, Adam was also telling Clare about Bianca's party.

"Yeah, she's having this huuuuge shindig at her place tomorrow night. You got to come! It will be so much fun. You can bring Jake if you want, I guess. I mean if you make up by then." Adam hoped that they didn't. He really just wanted to be able to spend time with his friend again, without her lame boyfriend.

"I don't know, Adam. I don't really know any of those people. And parties aren't really my thing."

"Oh come on! It will be fun. You have to come. I haven't hung out with you outside of school in ages." Adam practically begged Clare.

"Yes. Fine. I'll be there." Clare told Adam as the bell rang and she packed up her lunch.

At the end of the day Clare rushed outside and waited by Jake's truck, knowing that she had no other way home from school. Jake gave her a strange look when he walked out and saw her standing there, but just shrugged it off hoping that it meant that Clare was no longer mad at him.

"All settled then?" Jake asked Clare after they got in the truck.

"If you are talking the fight we had this morning, no. Not settled. I just didn't have any other way home and I thought that it wouldn't be such a great idea to call my mother and tell her I need a ride because my boyfriend-brother and I are in a fight." Clare spat back.

"Okay then." Jake responded and they spent the remainder of the ride home in uncomfortable silence.

When they got home Clare told her mother that she didn't feel well and was going to bed early. She didn't think she could face having to sit next to Jake at dinner right now and figured that was the only way to avoid it.

Saturday afternoon rolled around and Clare though it was probably safe to leave her room, since Jake usually helped Glen out with the business on Saturdays. She snuck downstairs to get her phone she had left in her bag and realized she was the only one home. She grabbed her phone and headed straight to the kitchen. She was starving after having skipped dinner last night and breakfast this morning. She started to make herself a fairly large sandwich when her phone buzzed.

She had a text from Adam, " So will I be seeing you at the party tonight?" Clare had to laugh to herself. She shook her head and responded with a yes to Adam and took her sandwich back up to her room to pick out a cute outfit for the party.

Clare finished up her lunch, picked out an outfit, took a shower and got all dolled up. She still had a little while until it was time to leave for the party so she thought she'd head downstairs and watch some television when she realized Jake and her mother were in the living room also. "Too late to turn back now," Clare thought, and took a deep breath as she sat on the opposite end of the couch from Jake.

"Oh, Clare. Hello. Are you feeing any better sweetheart?" her mom asked.

"Yes, mom, I feel fine. Just a little migraine last night, all that sleep got rid of it," Clare smiled back at her mom, ignoring Jake's existence.

"Well, good. You look very nice darling. Are you going to that party with Jake tonight? He said some girl in his class is having a small get together to kick off the new school year." Helen Edwards innocently asked of her daughter.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I guess. I didn't realize Jake was going also." Clare's mood fell, so much for a drama free, Jake free night. Of course Jake would be going. She should have known. He and Drew are all buddy-buddy lately and Drew and Bianca are best friends again.

"Well, we should get going soon, then, Clare." Jake said.

Clare knew that it was still a little early to head to the party, but she though maybe Jake was feeling bad for their argument yesterday and wanted to spend some alone time with her. Maybe they could go on a date instead and skip the party. Clare smiled at her own thoughts and grabbed her sweater and followed Jake out the door to his truck.

"Are you going to apologize to me for how you acted yesterday?" Clare asked Jake, "Maybe you could take me out to dinner to make it up to me. We have such a great cover now, we could probably fit in a movie too. There's this one I've been dying to see."

"Look Clare, I told Drew I would go to this party so I'm going. And I have no problem giving you a ride, but I don't want to spend the whole night with you clinging to my side. Are we clear?" Jake plainly stated, shocking Clare.


	2. Good Old Boy, Bad Old Boyfriend

**The next chapter is going to be harder to finish, I think, but I will get it up asap. Meanwhile, enjoy chapter 2 :)**

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><p>When they arrived at the party Jake jumped out of the truck quickly and headed inside, leaving Clare to walk in alone. Clare was not very happy, but she had to admit, after the conversation on the ride over, she was not surprised at all.<p>

Clare took a deep breath and decided she might as well go in. No sense staying in the truck all night and waiting for Jake to come back out after having fun without her.

She got out of the truck and looked around as she started walking towards the door. There wasn't anyone outside that she recognized.

Clare figured that she should say hello to Adam real quick first and let him know that she was here. She thought that after that she might be able to catch up with Jake and hopefully work out whatever problem he had with her at the moment.

Clare found Adam chatting with Katie, Drew, and Bianca. She walked up to them shyly to say hello and hung back until Adam finished telling his story and noticed she was standing besides him.

"Hey! You made it! I'm so glad to see you Clare. I've missed you." Adam said.

"Adam, I just saw you yesterday. We ate lunch together."

"I know," Adam laughed, "but you know what I mean. It's good to see you outside of school. You know, alone."

"Not exactly alone." Clare scowled, "I got a ride over with Jake because my mom was home and it would have looked weird if we left for the party separately. But he ditched me as soon as he stopped the truck in front of the house."

"So there is still trouble at the Edwards-Martin residence I take it?" Adam asked, secretly hoping that Clare and Jake had not made up and that they would never make up.

"Yeah. I'm starting to think he's regretting getting back together, but it was his idea…" Clare was thinking out loud. "Oh Adam, have you seen him? I really need to talk to Jake right now."

"No, I haven't, but I've got to run to the bathroom. I'll be back," Adam said, and took off before Clare could object.

Clare didn't know what to do now that Adam was gone. She wasn't really a social butterfly. Maybe she should look for Jake now.

"Hey Drew?" Clare said, "Have you seen Jake around? I really need to talk to him."

Drew handed Clare a pretty blue drink in a clear plastic cup. "Here Clare, relax. Have a drink. I'll let you know if I see him."

Clare took a sip and shook her head "yes" back at him. Clare took another sip as Drew walked away. She thought that blue was an unusual color for party punch. It tasted sweet, like punch, but also with a hint of lemon. Clare was feeling pretty thirsty so she downed her glass and scooped herself another out of the big bowl on the counter like she had watched Drew do.

By now Clare was starting to feel pretty good about herself. She still wanted to find Jake and give him a piece of her mind, but she figured that could wait a little while. No sense in ruining her night out with Adam. Oh, Adam. Where did he go now?

Adam was on his way back from the bathroom when he ran into his brother.

"Hey bro, keep Clare away from Jake." Drew demanded of Adam.

"That was kind of my plan for the night anyway, but why do YOU want me to keep her away from him?" Adam was intrigued; obviously his brother knew something that he didn't.

"Adam, you have to know how Clare is. Jake told me he's getting sick of her drama so I'm going to introduce him to some other girls tonight." Drew said.

"Um… Shouldn't he just talk to Clare and either work it out or break up instead of just cheating on her. Again." Adam asked. What Drew was suggesting did not sound like such a good idea to Adam. At all.

"Adam, Adam, Adam… Talking to other girls is not cheating. And Jake isn't sure if he wants to break up with Clare yet or not. I'm just trying to help show him that he has other options. He's still pretty new at Degrassi and doesn't know many single girls yet."

Adam was a bit disgusted with what his brother was saying to him. How could anyone treat such a nice girl like Clare that way? Adam wasn't sure what he should do right now. Was he supposed to tell Clare? She would surely be upset if she found out that he knew what was going on behind her back and he didn't tell her. But on the other hand, Adam knew Clare. He knew that she probably wouldn't believe him if he told her that Drew was setting Jake up with other girls and that Jake was thinking of breaking up with Clare for good. After all, Clare did think that she and Jake were hopelessly in love.

"Fine, but I still don't think it is a very good idea," Adam conceded, "and if Clare finds out, I am telling her everything I know."

"Whatever bro. Just keep her away from Jake; and me too. She's been bugging me to find Jake for her." Drew told his brother and walked away.

Adam wandered back down the hallway. He was unsure of what to do next. He knew he should go back to Clare, but he didn't know how he was going to face her right now. Even though they had grown apart lately, she was still one of his best friends. How could he not tell her what was going on? He had to tell her!

Adam decided he would try and convince Clare that Jake was no good for her. He took off to the kitchen to find Clare. She was nowhere to be seen. "Damnit Clare!" Adam thought, "I said I'd be right back. Where the heck did you go?"

Just then Adam caught a glimpse of Clare out of the corner of his eye. She was talking to… Bianca? That's pretty strange. Adam walked up to them cautiously, afraid that Bianca might be picking on Clare, but Clare was all smiles.

"…and then I pulled the socks out of my shirt. You should have seen the look on Jenna's face when I told her I had eye surgery and NOT a boob job!" Clare was saying, quite loudly, to Bianca.

Bianca laughed, "Edwards, I never knew you were such a rebel." Then she turned to Adam, pointed back towards Clare and laughed again, "Girl's drunk."

"What! No, not Clare. No way." Adam refused to believe Bianca. "I was only gone for about twenty minutes, how did this happen? Clare doesn't drink."

"I saw Drew hand her a drink right after you left and she's had at least two more since I've been talking to her. I don't think she's knows that there is alcohol in them. Too bad she doesn't drink, she's so much more fun this way." Bianca told Adam as she left him to deal with Clare.

"Hey Clare…" Adam started, "Everything okay over here?"

"Yeah, silly, why wouldn't it be? I feel great!" Clare said, "You didn't you ever tell me how fun Bianca is?"

"Are you feeling a little drunk? How much have you had to drink?" Adam was starting to get worried.

"I'm not drunk! I only had four glasses of punch!" Clare said, matter-of-factly.

"Clare, that's not punch. It's alcohol." Adam told his friend.

"Oh," Clare giggled.

"You feeling alright?" Adam had never seen Clare act like this. He did have to admit it, though, Bianca was right. Drunk Clare did seem like she was more fun to be around lately than sober, Jake-obsessed Clare.

"I feel fiiiiiiiiinne." Clare drawled.

"Ok, good. I have to tell you something. It's about Jake." Adam tried to say.

"No Adam. I don't want to hear anything about Jake anymore tonight. I just want to have fun with you. My best friend. I looove yooou, Aaaaadam!"

"That's great, Clare, but you really should listen to me. I think you should hear this." Adam tried to tell Clare again. He really wanted to get this out right now. Maybe Clare would be more willing to be open-minded about the whole Jake situation with some alcohol in her system.

"No. No Jake." Clare plugged her ears and Adam decided that, for now, he would have to give up on trying to tell her what Drew and Jake were up to tonight.

Since Adam was not allowed to talk about Jake at the moment he moved onto other topics. They talked about school and about Clare's father. Adam asked about Darcy and if Clare had talked to her lately.

They had been talking for a while when Clare looked up from whatever Adam was saying and saw something she never wanted to see again. Now she wasn't feeling okay. Now she wanted to vomit.

"Not Again!" She angrily interrupted Adam.

"What? Are you really that horrible of a person that you don't want to work with Eli and me on the English project? Come on Clare. It's just a school project! We can get it all over with in one day after school. Two days max. You won't even really have to talk to Eli!" Adam said.

"No Adam, I'm sorry, it's not that. Please, just look." Clare pointed to the couch in the other room behind Adam.

Adam turned around to see Jake sitting on the couch with his arm around some girl. Who is that girl? Adam has seen her before. Nevermind. It doesn't matter. She's not Clare and she's about to kiss Clare's boyfriend.

"Clare…" Adam had no idea what to say. The look on Clare's face was so heart wrenching. Adam had no idea how he could even begin to comfort his friend right now. He figured that an "I told you so" was completely out of the question, but that's the first think that popped into his mind.

"Clare, I… This is what I was trying to tell you about earlier." Adam told Clare, "Drew told me that his goal for tonight was to set Jake up with single girls, and Jake was all for it. He's not a good guy, Clare. He's not worth it, at all. You deserve so much better then him. What do you want me to do? Want me to go yell at him for you?"

"I need to get out of here." Clare took off running.

"Clare wait!" Adam yelled after her.

Adam's yelling must have caught Jake's attention. He jumped off the couch and stormed up to Adam.

"What did you do to her?" Jake demanded, "You were supposed to be looking after her!"

"I did nothing. We were just talking when she saw you, looking all cozy on the couch, with your arm around another girl," Adam calmly stated, "And my stupid brother is the one that gave her alcohol. She's probably having a breakdown right now. Are you going to go make sure she's alright, or are you going to back off and let me go check on my friend?"

"I guess I should probably go. Maybe I can still fix this." Jake said as he walked off in search of Clare.

"Yeah, good luck with that," Adam though to himself as he followed behind Jake.


	3. My Heart's Got A Memory

**If anyone is actually reading this, sorry about the longer wait, though I did get this finished quicker than planned. In this chapter Clare and Eli's conversation will be all over the place, just remember Clare is drunk. There will be at least one more chapter, maybe more depending on how the next one goes.**

**In case you haven't noticed the fic title and the chapter titles are all song titles. If you look up the songs they should make some sense :) **

**Oh and one more thing, this chapter is dedicated to my DegrassiSoulMate. Our random conversations inspired this idea.**

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><p>Clare stumbled out the door. How could Jake do this to her, she wondered. "Again", she yelled out loud.<p>

"Again what?" Someone kindly asked.

It was a male voice. Someone Clare knew, she recognized that voice. Who was it? He was walking up the sidewalk towards her. Oh god.

"Eli?" Clare gasped. Of course it was Eli. She just had a horrible realization that her boyfriend has cheated on her again, and probably has been cheating on her the entire time they've been together. Who else would show up at this exact moment besides Eli? The one boyfriend that had never cheated on her and who would never even think of doing that to her.

"Yes, Clare. That is my name. You haven't forgotten it already have you?" Eli lightheartedly joked.

"Oh Eli! Did you come to save me?" Clare's drunken mind made her ask.

"No, Imogen told me that Bianca was having a party and that I should come keep her and Adam company, so here I am," Eli told Clare then calmly asked, "What do you need to be saved from?"

"Jake!" Clare yelled.

Eli started to worry a bit, " Did he do something to you? Are you alright?"

"He cheated on me again," Clare was becoming hysterical now.

"Oh," was all Eli could say at first.

He just stood there watching Clare start to tear up and he had no idea what she should do right now.

At that same moment, Adam and Jake were looking out the window nearby.

"What is that psycho going to do to her? I've got to go help her," Jake said to Adam. He was about to open the door to go talk to Clare.

"NO!" Adam stopped him, "Leave them alone. I think you have helped Clare enough. You helped her right into this mess."

"Fine, but open that window. I want to hear what she's saying and make sure he's not messing with her mind," Jake demanded.

Adam scoffed at Jake's remarks, but complied and opened the window just a crack. After all, Adam also really wanted to hear what Eli would have to say to a drunk Clare.

"Clare, I… I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm not sure I would be any help. What would you like for me to do right now? I'm sorry that someone would do that to you. I honestly don't understand how a guy could do something like that to a girl he loves."

Eli was trying his best to think of anything comforting to say to Clare. 'It will get better' sounded nice, but he knew how it felt to be betrayed by someone who you thought loved you and he knew it would take a long, long time for it to get better. He didn't want to lie to Clare.

"Eli, I could really use a hug right now," Clare interrupted Eli's thoughts.

"Um… do you want me to go find Adam? Or I could call Fiona for you; she gives really good hugs. I'm sure she would come over and help you out. Or no, I could just call your mom to come pick you-" Eli was trying to think of an option that Clare would feel most comfortable with when Clare opened her arms up wide, lunged at him, and clung on tight to his neck.

"Or you could hug me, I guess," Eli mumbled to himself. He had been trying to avoid this option. He knew that if he were to hold Clare in his arms that he may not want to, or be able to, let her go.

Eli's willpower began to break down and he hesitantly began to wrap his arms around Clare's back. The scent of her hair overwhelmed him; he missed that scent so much. He let his emotions get away from him and he held Clare even tighter.

"Oh Eli, you have always given the best hugs," Clare whispered into his ear.

Eli pulled back for a second to look into Clare's eyes when he realized that she reeked of alcohol.

"Clare," Eli asked gently as he pulled back even more, "Have you been drinking? Your breath smells like alcohol."

"No, silly! I don't drink. Adam said the same thing. Why are you guys acting so weird tonight?" Clare giggled.

That proved it to Eli. Clare just went from crying to giggling. She HAD to have been drinking. Oh god. She's probably drunk, that's why she was hugging him right now. It all made sense. He knew it was strange that she would even be talking to him, let alone wrapping her arms around him so tightly. Just the way that he had always loved.

He had to stop this right now. If he could just get Adam to bring her home maybe she could get some sleep and she wouldn't even remember this in the morning.

He could get over it, he told himself. He would just pretend that he had dreamed this all and everything could go back to normal. Clare could go back to ignoring him and he could go back to pretending that it didn't kill him inside when he saw her with another guy.

Eli moved his hands behind his neck to grab Clare's hands. He started to gently remove her arms from around him, but Clare was strongly resisting his actions.

"Come on, Clare. You have to let go. Let me go get Adam. He can take you home. If you are really quiet he may even be able to sneak you into your room so your parents don't find out that you are drunk," Eli tried to reason with Clare.

"Eli NO!" Clare yelled in his face and held him tight again. She laid her head down on his shoulder and continued, "You are the only guy that has ever treated me right. I miss you. I need you right now. You are the only one that can make me feel better. I love you."

"Stop!" Eli demanded and pulled clean out of Clare's grip. He turned his back to her and attempted to take a few deep breaths. "Please don't do this, Clare. I know you don't mean any of it and that it is just the alcohol talking, but if you keep it up I might just start to believe it. And I just can't let myself go there again. Not now. Not since I've been doing so much better."

"But I love you Eli! I'm so sorry. So sorry." Clare stammered, "I'm sorry, Eli. Please, just, I'm sorry. I love you. I still love you!"

Adam was shocked by what he was overhearing right now. Of course he had still believed that Clare never really did get over Eli, but he never thought that she would actually admit it. Maybe alcohol really did make people admit the truth, Adam though back to Eli's advice about Fiona all those months ago. Too bad Eli would never listen to his own advice.

Adam was trying to envision how he could get Eli and Clare to try and work out their problems when he looked over at Jake and caught the expression on his face.

Jake looked hurt. Adam wondered how Jake could justify feeling hurt when he was the one that pushed Clare into this state.

"Dude, what's your problem?" Adam whispered to Jake.

"Did she ever really love me or was I just some rebound from her psycho ex?" Jake whisper-yelled back.

"I don't think Clare can tell the difference between love and infatuation. I think she was just really attracted to you and mistook that for love. But hey, who am I to say? I'm not inside Clare's brain or heart. Adam whispered and was trying to suppress the nagging sensation of starting to feel bad for Jake. "He deserves this!" Adam kept thinking to himself. "Stop feeling bad for him, no good will come of that!"

Jake was speechless. He sat there staring at Clare and Eli for a few more seconds. Then he got up and stormed away. Adam watched Jake leave and thought that he was probably going to drown his sorrows in some random girl's mouth, or worse.

When Adam turned his attention back to his two best friends, he realized that things were slowly falling apart outside.

Eli still had his back to Clare and Clare was crying again.

"Eli, please listen to me. I really do love you. I never stopped. I'm so sorry about how things happened between us." Clare walked up to Eli and slipped her hands around his chest, hugging him from behind. Eli took a deep breath.

"Okay, Clare, I believe you," Eli lied. He decided that his best plan of action at the moment would be to let Clare say her peace and to get her home safe. "Let's walk. It might help to sober up your thoughts a bit." Eli said that last part more for himself.

Adam watched Eli and Clare walk away and took it as a good sign. He knew that Eli would call him if he needed backup, so he went back to the party and tried to enjoy himself. He wouldn't worry about Eli or Clare until tomorrow morning.

Clare took Eli's arm and let him lead her down the sidewalk. She had no idea where they were headed and she didn't even really care at the moment. It just felt nice to be walking next to Eli and to be able to talk honestly with him. Also, it didn't hurt that she was putting some more distance between herself and Jake.

"I really did love you, Eli, I hope you know that," Clare said after they had been walking for a few minutes, "I still do. I should have never left you in the hospital like that. If only I had realized that you were sick and that you were not trying to manipulate me."

"Let's not talk about that right now," Eli said. What he didn't say was that he found it too difficult to talk about that specific moment in his life. It was one of the things that he regretted the most.

"Why don't you tell me what happened tonight that made you so upset and then I'll see what we can do to make it all better," Eli encouraged.

"Well…" Clare was trying to decide where to start. "Well, I don't know if you knew or not, but Jake kissed Alli at the cabin party. I saw it happen. That's where this all started, I guess. Or maybe it started before that. I don't really know."

"I heard. Bianca told me when I got up there. I assumed that's why you ran away that night," Eli said.

"Yeah, it was. I didn't know what else to do. But, Eli, if you knew, then why did you let me go back with him? Why didn't you stop me?" Clare asked.

"Clare, don't you think that I really wanted to stop you? It was really none of my business, though. He's your boyfriend. I had to let you make your own choices. I was just glad that we found you and that nothing bad had happened to you." Eli decided that he might as well be honest now. Clare probably wouldn't even remember this by the time she woke up tomorrow. Might as well lay it all out on the line. No way it could make the situation any worse.

"I really was glad that YOU found me," Clare said.

"I know. I'm sure it made Jake mad that he found you in the woods alone with me. Probably made him think twice about wanting to kiss Alli again." Eli said honestly.

"No, I mean I'm glad it was you, because it made me realize how caring you always are. I wish Jake never found me. Maybe then we never would have gotten back together that night. Maybe it could have been the start of us being friends again."

Eli's heart was starting to flutter. He had to keep reminding himself that Clare really didn't mean anything that she was saying tonight.

"You don't want to be friends with me. I'm crazy, remember?" Eli voiced his thoughts.

Clare started crying again, "You're not crazy; you're bipolar. You said! That's a big difference. You couldn't control what you were doing, you didn't know!" Clare was getting worked up.

"Shh, shh…" Eli patted Clare's back and then he rubbed his hand up and down her arm, "Calm down, calm down. No need to cry. We just grew apart is all. Life took us in opposite directions. I finally got the help I needed and am in the process of getting better now. And you needed to get away from all the intensity. I understand that. It was too much. I was too much. That, plus your parents, was putting way too much stress on you. It wasn't like you could get a break from your parents. I don't blame you for needing a break from me."

"Eli! Why can't you just understand that I was wrong and that I love you and that I wish I had been there for you? We were friends, I could have at least been there as a friend. Adam didn't leave you!" Clare cried.

"Adam also didn't help me clean out my entire bedroom and help me with my hording problem. And I didn't write a story about slitting Adam's throat and drinking his blood. And I didn't ask Adam to lock himself in a room with me," Eli tried to reason with Clare, "And I DEFINITELY didn't make-out with Adam any chance I got." Eli tried to lighten the mood.

It worked slightly. Clare was laughing. Oh, how Eli loved that laugh.

"So, what happened after that cabin trip that led us to here?" Eli changed the subject back to Jake. Although he really didn't want to hear it, he figured that he might as well know the whole story. Talking about Jake also mean that he wasn't talking about himself and his messed up past with the girl that he still loved.

"Jake and I got back together, obviously, but we had to hide it from our parents again. That should have told me that it wasn't a good idea. I don't really enjoy lying to my mom. Then Jake started getting distant. He never wanted to spend time alone with me. Yesterday I asked him to take me to the cabin overnight, just the two of us." Clare explained.

Oh no. Eli did not want to hear this part! Have Clare and Jake been having sex now? No. Stop. Don't think about that. Eli was trying to keep his cool. He opened his mouth to try and tell her to continue, but no words would come out. He just shook his head and waited for her to finish.

"I don't know what good I thought that would do. I probably would have ended up doing something that I would feel really stupid about right now. I thought that I loved him, and that he loved me. I was going to give up everything for MY BROTHER!" Clare laughed, just now realizing how ridiculous that sounded. "Wow, I'm so stupid. How did I ever think that getting back with Jake was a good idea?"

Eli sighed. He was glad that his worst fear hadn't happened. Why did he care? It shouldn't concern him, but he couldn't hide how happy he was as a smile spread across his face.

"You're not stupid. You are so smart. You will do great things, Clare, just don't let us boys get the best of you. Rise above all of our bullshit." Eli patronized Clare.

Eli stopped walking. Clare stopped and turned to face Eli. He looked so cute. He had a genuine smile on his face. Clare loved that face. How could she have ever thought of kissing anyone but Eli? Mmmm… kissing Eli. Now that the thought popped into her head, Clare could think of nothing else. She wasn't sure what came over her, but she decided that she wanted to go for it.

"Alright then," Eli interrupted Clare's train of thought; "We're at your house now. You think you can get yourself inside safely?" Eli asked.

"Huh?" Clare looked around. They were, in fact, standing right in front of her house. How had she not noticed? And dammit Eli! He had unknowingly stopped Clare from kissing him. She didn't know if she would be able to work up the courage again. She needed to form a plan, and quickly.

"Um, do you think you could help me in? I'm starting to feel a little dizzy." She wasn't lying. Her head was spinning. The alcohol was hitting her hard and Eli's smile was hitting her even harder.

Eli saw that she was starting to look a little uneasy and decided it would be all right if he helped her to her door.

"Okay. Here we are now. Home safe." Eli told Clare as he started to back away.

"No. Need more help." Clare said, "I won't make it to my room by myself."

"Clare, I don't think that's such a good idea." Eli stalled.

"If my mom finds me on the couch she'll know something is up. I can't let her know." Clare pushed.

"And if she sees me won't that be an even bigger tip off that something is going on?" Eli was still trying to back away.

"All the lights are off inside. My mom and Glen are asleep. She won't wake up. Don't worry." Clare smiled at him knowing that she had won.

Eli couldn't picture any way that this would turn out well. He went against his better judgment and opened the front door for Clare.

"Fine. Get inside quickly. And BE QUIET! I do not really want to get caught sneaking you, drunk, into your house." Eli said. Praying to a god, that he did not believe in, that Clare's parents would not catch him in their house.

They got inside and Clare headed straight for the stairs that led up to her bedroom. Eli stood silently in the living room, thinking that maybe he could leave her to handle herself. Just as soon as he finished that thought, Clare tripped and fell up the stairs. Damn. She really did need help upstairs.

Eli helped Clare to stand back up and she started to stumble again. He figured the only way they were going to make it without waking up her mother would be for him to carry Clare to her bedroom. He swiftly threw Clare over his shoulder and ran up the stairs as quietly as he could. He opened her door and put her down just inside her room.

"All set then?" Eli asked and Clare sat down at his feel, "I guess not. Okay Clare, UP. Get in your bed," Eli whisper-yelled and pointed toward her bed.

When Clare didn't stand up, Eli hooked his arms under her shoulders and lifted her to her feet. He turned her around, walked her to her bed, sat her down, and then sat down next to her.

"Okay. You're in bed. I think it's safe for me to go now," Eli looked at Clare and told her. She looked him directly in his eyes and started to lean in.

Eli thought she was going to give him another hug, to say goodbye, so he opened his arms to hug her back. He was leaning in a awaiting a hug when she surprised him and kissed him right on the lips. Eli was caught off guard and forgot everything else for a second. He kissed her back.

Clare loved the feel of Eli's lips on hers. She finally got what she wanted and she couldn't be happier in that moment.

Eli loved the feel of Clare's lips on his. He thought he was losing his mind. This couldn't possibly be happening right now. He must be hallucinating. He was experiencing things that were impossible. He was really going crazy now, but this felt so real. Maybe it was real; oh no, Clare is drunk. Eli finally came to the realization that he wasn't imagining that he was kissing Clare and he pulled away quick as he could.

"What's wrong?" Clare innocently asked.

"What's wrong! What's wrong?" Eli asked, "What's wrong is I just kissed you and I have no right to do such a thing."

"No, I kissed you," Clare corrected him.

"I shouldn't have let you. I-"

Clare flung herself onto Eli's lap and pushed him back onto her bed.

"Stay with me," Clare begged as she attempted to kiss Eli again.

Eli turned his head away and Clare's lips landed on his cheek, "That's not a good idea."

"Please, Eli! Please?" Clare kept pushing, " I just want to be with you and only you. I would never regret it. I promise. I wish we would have slept together when we were still together."

"Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa… Clare. No. We are definitely NOT having sex," Eli tried to move out from underneath Clare. "If you relax and stop trying to force yourself into something that we both know you don't want, then I will stay for a little while longer and talk. Talk only."

Clare conceded and moved from straddling Eli to sitting next to him. She put a frown on her face and gave Eli a dirty look.

"Please don't look at me like that," Eli sat back up, "I'm only trying to save you from embarrassment later on."

"No, you're not. You're turning me down again. Just the same as Jake did." Clare whined.

Hearing Jake's name in that moment made Eli cringe. He would have loved more than anything to lay Clare down and not just have sex with her, but to make love to her. It was not right, though. She was not his girlfriend. He deserved no such pleasures. He shouldn't be thinking this way. He shouldn't even be in her room right now. She deserved so much better than him, or even Jake it seemed; someone who would treat her right and who she could count on. Eli wanted to tell Clare all of this, but he didn't even know where to begin.

By the time Eli finished letting all of his self-loathing thoughts play out in his head, Clare was curled up to his side.

"Eli?" Clare softly whispered. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Clare." It really was. Eli was realizing how happy he was to just be allowed this small amount of time to spend with her.

"For everything, I mean." Clare verified.

"I know." Eli dared to put his arm over Clare's shoulder.

"Can you please just stay with me a little while longer?" Clare kindly asked.

"I would love to," Eli confirmed as he let thoughts of Clare drift through his mind.


	4. Next Go Round

**I apologize, this is not the last chapter. This thing has become much more massive than I ever expected. I have no idea how long it will end up being now.**

**As for this chapter, I am not exactly happy with how it turned out as a whole. Also, it is much shorter than last chapter. So to make it up, I will post another short chapter today. Enjoy! :)**

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><p>It was bright out when Eli was awoken to a vibration coming from his pocket. With his eyes still closed, to block out the light, he pulled his phone out. He opened his eyes slowly to read a text from Adam, "11:27 – Dude, where the heck are you?"<p>

CRAP! Eli thought as he looked around and realized where he was. He was sitting on Clare's bed and she was still curled up to his side. Oh no. Eli was on the verge of a mini panic attack when Clare looked up at him and smiled.

"Good morning," Clare yawned.

"Uh…" Eli was shocked that Clare wasn't shocked.

"Did you sleep alright?" Clare asked.

"I'm sorry, Clare. I didn't mean to sleep here. I was going to leave last night. I really didn't mean to stay." Eli was acting frantic.

"Eli! Calm down. It's okay. I'm happy you stayed."

"Are you still drunk, Clare? You don't have to pretend that you want me around. I'll get going right now."

"I'm not drunk, maybe a little hung-over. How did I get drunk last night without even knowing it? Only me." Clare laughed, "but I really am glad that you stayed. I hope this means we can work on our friendship?"

"I'm not sure that's such a great idea. We were never any good together. I should just let you get back to your normal life," Eli said.

"Yeah, because that is so wonderful. Let me tell you, I am not looking forward to leaving this room today," Clare said, thinking about how awkward it would be when she ran into Jake in the hall.

"Oh no. I'm in your bedroom," Eli began to panic again, "Your mom. How am I going to get by her? She's going to find out that I stayed here then we're both going to be in big trouble. Isn't she going to be getting you up for church? Oh no. It's late. She probably already came in and caught us sleeping in your bed together. She's going to kill me!"

"Hey, relax! I got up last night and locked the door. No way she came in. And she and Glen went to church last night, they were leaving early this morning to go antiquing," Clare explained.

Eli started to relax a bit. It was then he realized that maybe Clare did still care about him. She had gotten up, locked the door, and snuggled back up to him when he was still asleep. She had to have been sober when she did that. Maybe she wasn't lying about being happy that he stayed, Eli was trying to reason with himself, yet still trying not to let his hopes get the better of him.

"So, would you like me to make you some breakfast? It's the least I can do for you. You took such good care of me last night, made me feel better and kept me out of trouble." Clare was extremely thankful that Eli helped her not get caught coming home drunk.

"I would love for you to make me breakfast, but I'm pretty positive that Adam is at my house waiting for me right now. He and I always spend Sundays together and he already sent me a text asking where I was." Eli honestly told Clare.

"Oh, Adam. I hope he can forgive me for running out on him last night," Clare felt bad for how she had acted toward her one and only friend.

"I'll tell him you're sorry. I'm sure he will understand. Adam is awesome like that." Eli laughed.

"Yeah, he is. So… does this mean… can we… I mean, are we… friends? Can we try to be friends? Please? I really miss your friendship. You are way too good to me." Clare was hopeful that her request would be granted.

"I guess we could try, but Clare, if I ever get too intense for you please let me know." Eli begged, "I really can't bear to lose another friend like that."

Clare shook her head and looked lovingly at Eli, the only boy that she knew ever loved her.

"Okay," Eli jumped up, "I've got to go before Adam sends out a search party for me."

Eli burst through his front door, out of breath after running back home.

"I'm here!" He gasped. "Adam? Adam, where are you?"

Eli made his way into his living room to find Adam and Bullfrog on the couch, playing video games and yelling obscenities at each other.

"Dammit Adam! How do I change my stupid weapon?" Bullfrog flung his fists in the air in frustration. "Stop killing me and tell me how to use the damn grenade!"

Eli couldn't help but laugh at his best friend and his father. He was happy that Adam felt comfortable enough with his family to act himself around them.

"Cheating on me with my father I see?" Eli interrupted their intense game. "I should have known better than to leave you two alone," Eli laughed.

"Maybe if you didn't ditch me this morning I wouldn't have to hang out with the cooler Goldsworthy man," Adam retorted as he put his controller down and bumped fists with Bullfrog.

"I always knew there was a reason I liked you, video game kid," Bullfrog added with a laugh while Eli rolled his eyes at the two of them.

After some more jabs about how Eli would never be able to match his father's level of coolness, Bullfrog left the two boys to get on with their Sunday ritual of comics and trying to find the best burger joint in Toronto.

"Since it's almost lunchtime, want to grab burgers first then go to the comic book store? I'm starving," Adam was just about whining.

"You and your stomach… Yes, fine." Eli agreed.

Twenty minutes later Adam and Eli walked into a restaurant, on the other side of town, that they had never been to before. It was way too fancy for their taste. They actually got funny looks when they walked in wearing jeans and t-shirts. They weren't holding out much hope that it would deliver the best burger in the area, but they figured they couldn't decide on the best without first having sampled all there was to offer.

When they were seated at their table, Adam couldn't control his curiosity any longer, "Dude, so where were you this morning?" Adam asked.

"Um… I was… out." Eli stammered. He wasn't sure how his friend would react if he said he was with his ex-girlfriend all night and all morning.

"Don't give me that! Bullfrog said he didn't think you came home last night. He though you stayed at my house. We were worried."

"Yeah, you two sure looked worried when I waked in," Eli laughed.

"Don't change the subject, Eli! You were with Clare, weren't you?" Adam pushed.

Eli smiled. Yes, he was with Clare. Yes, he spent the night with Clare. Yes, he kissed Clare. Eli's face fell when that thought crossed his mind. He kissed Clare. After that drama with her trying to proposition him for sex he had forgotten. Did she remember that? Would that change her mind on wanting to try and be friends?

"Okay… I'll take that as a yes, you were with Clare this morning. Why the sad face now? You obviously spent the night with her. How is that a bad thing?" Adam asked.

"How did you know I was with Clare?" Eli was surprised Adam got it on his first guess. And surprised that Adam's initial reaction was that of praise.

"I was spying on you at the party last night," Adam said, proud of himself.

Eli shook his head, "Of course. Ninja Adam would strike when I'm talking to Clare. Yes, I spent the night at Clare's, but I didn't mean too. I just kind of fell asleep once I got her to bed."

Adam's eyes almost bugged out of his head as he gave Eli the most surprised look ever.

"No, not like that, man. She was just drunk and I helped her up to her room. She basically begged me to help her to her up the stairs. I couldn't say no." Eli tried to defend himself.

"Well that's good, I guess," Adam was a little disappointed. He really wanted details, but he didn't want to push Eli.

"I'm just not sure," Eli responded, "I mean she was telling me she loves me, and that she misses me. But that was just because she was drunk, right? She didn't mention any of that this morning when we woke up. She just asked if we could try to be friends again."

"Well remember what you told me about Fiona: Alcohol makes people speak the truth," Adam tried.

"I don't know. Look where that got you with Fi," Eli shot down.

"That was an unusual situation. I've never been convinced that Clare ever got over you. That whole thing was just an act, I'd bet money on it. I think she just got scared and ran... I heard what she was saying to you outside last night; Jake did too. She was drunk, but she seemed very convincing to me." Adam explained.

"She did? I thought it was just my crazy mind playing tricks on me. I wanted to believe it, but I knew I couldn't let my mind get the better of me," Eli thought out loud.

"No, dude, Jake was so pissed when he heard what she was saying to you. He ran off after I told him that I didn't think she loved him." Adam said.

"Why would you say something like that?" Eli asked, genuinely confused.

"Because that's how I feel, plus he doesn't deserve her. He's been cheating on her. Drew set him up with some girls last night." Adam admitted.

"He's a jerk. I'm glad Clare finally realized that last night. I really hope she remembers everything now. I didn't want her to at first, but now that she wants to be friends, I won't be able to deal if she runs back to Jake again." Eli said honestly.

The waiter came over just then to take their orders, Eli could barely concentrate on what he was saying. He was so wrapped up in thinking about the events that took place last night. Eli smirked as he thought of Clare's kiss. When the waiter left, he figured he should tell Adam what else happened last night.

"So… She kissed me last night…" Eli said with a huge grin on his face.

"Why did you wait so long to tell me!" Adam yelled at Eli, causing everyone else in the restaurant to look at them.

"Sorry," Adam said to the restaurant, then asked Eli again, "Why didn't you tell me? That's big."

"She was drunk. I got confused. I let my emotions get the better of me and I kissed her back. I am so embarrassed, Adam. What if she thinks I took advantage of her?" Eli was beginning to feel uncomfortable with himself.

"I'm sure she doesn't think that at all. She kissed you; you just said that. Clare is not one to do something that she doesn't want to. She must have wanted to kiss you." Adam reassured his friend.

"She did something else too…" Eli thought he might as well tell Adam everything now.

"What! What else?" Adam gasped.

"She kind of attacked me. She jumped onto my lap and asked me to have sex with her." Eli whispered that last part.

"You didn't, right?" Adam asked before he had a chance to think about it.

"Adam, really? What do you think?" Eli said, feeling a little hurt.

"Sorry, I know you wouldn't do that. Just had to check," Adam apologized to his best friend.

"Can't say I didn't want to, though," Eli smirked, letting his teenage boy side shine through his usually mature exterior.

"Okay, enough of that. I don't need to know," Adam laughed and covered his ears playfully.

Adam uncovered his ears when Eli stopped laughing and asked, "But does this mean that you guys are getting back together?"

"I don't think so. She said she wanted to try and be friends. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle that though. I already told her to let me know if I'm getting too intense. If that happens again we won't be able to even be friends anymore. And I really do miss her friendship. She was my best friend." Eli thought that he would love to get back together with Clare. He would do it in a heartbeat, but he knew that neither of them were ready to take that leap of faith again. At least not right now.

"Ehhem!" Adam interrupted.

"Best FEMALE friend. Better?" Eli laughed.

"I just don't know if you to can be friends," Adam said, shocking Eli.

"Why not?"

"Come on, dude! You know why not. You both love each other way too much to just stay friends."

"No, Adam. It's not like that. It can't be like that this time." Eli said, trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince Adam.

"Yup, okay. Whatever you say, Goldsworthy." Adam said as he took a bite of his burger as soon as it was placed in front of him.


	5. Takin' Off This Pain

**As promised, second update of the day. Enjoy.**

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><p>After Eli left, Clare decided to make herself a big breakfast to celebrate her reclaimed friendship and her newfound lease on life. Clare had just finished frying some bacon, and was mixing up batter for pancakes, when she heard Jake coming down the stairs.<p>

"You made me bacon?" Jake smiled at her.

"Hell no, I made myself bacon." Clare said, shocking Jake with her language.

"Okay, what's wrong? And why are you depriving me of bacon?" Jake asked.

"Are you seriously asking me what's wrong?" Clare responded and began pouring her pancake batter so she could avoid meeting Jake's gaze.

"Yes?"

"You've got to be kidding me!" Clare was getting furious, this was not how she planned on spending her afternoon. "Do you remember last night? You telling me to stop being clingy and then you went around hitting on other girls all night. Ring any bells?"

"Oh, um… you remember that?" Jake mumbled.

"Why would I not remember my boyfriend cheating on me?" Clare asked, livid at this point.

"You were drunk. I don't know. I was hoping you wouldn't remember." Jake knew he was caught. No wonder she was withholding bacon.

"How did you know I was drunk? I didn't mean to be. It just kind of happened. You're not going to tell our parents, are you?" Clare was now scared that Jake might spill the beans and all of Eli's efforts to keep her out of trouble would have been in vain.

"Drew told me he gave you a drink, I just assumed. No, I won't tell them. Then they'll know I got drunk too." Jake promised. He wasn't going to incriminate himself if he didn't have to.

"So, Drew did this on purpose? I should have known." Clare said, feeling betrayed. "I can't believe you let him do that. You probably encouraged it, didn't you? Get annoying, clingy old Clare off your back for a while. God forbid you would want to spend some time with your girlfriend. I don't get it. What do other girls have to offer that I don't have? Is it because I won't have sex with you? Well, I was considering it, but not now! Not after what you did last night!"

"I didn't do anything, Clare. Unless I'm not allowed to even talk to girls now," Jake defended himself.

"Don't give me that. Last time I saw you, you were on the couch with your arm around some other girl. Looked like you were trying to get her to kiss you. I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound like nothing to me. And who knows what you did after I left!"

Clare was getting worked up again. She was desperately trying to will herself to not cry. She kept thinking about Eli. About how Eli had been so nice and caring to her last night and her own boyfriend was probably too busy with other girls to even notice that she had left the party.

Eli. Clare wished Eli were here. He would know what to say right now to make her feel better. All Jake did was stand there dumbfounded. How did Clare ever think that she and Jake were forever? How dirty she would be feeling right now, if she had gone through with it; if she had actually slept with Jake. That was one plus in this whole ordeal. She didn't sleep with Jake.

Clare had decided last night that she was through with Jake and his lies. She wanted to move on, but that was going to be extremely difficult with them sharing parents now; and a bathroom. They would have to see each other every day, whether they liked it or not. Clare was beginning to wonder why she ever thought that Jake was worth all the hassle of lying to her mom and sneaking around. She was fondly picturing the simpler days when Eli wasn't even supposed to be in her house when her parents were out. That's how high school relationships were supposed to be. You weren't supposed to live with your boyfriend in high school. How was she going to break up with Jake and still live here? They would have these run-ins over breakfast from now on.

She had to do it, though. She couldn't wait any longer.

"You know what, Jake?" Clare started. "We're done here." No need for fancy words. Jake probably wouldn't understand them anyway.

Jake shrugged his shoulders, "You mean this talk or our relationship?"

"Us. This. Our Relationship. You and me, we're through. I can't take it any longer!" Clare yelled.

"Okay," Jake stole a piece of bacon and began to walk away.

"Okay? That's it? No fighting?" Clare asked, a little shocked that Jake didn't seem to care that she had just broken up with him. He was acting like she asked if he wanted a slice of pie.

"What else do you want me to say, Clare?" Jake asked.

"You could at least pretend to be a little upset. I really didn't ever mean anything to you, did I?" Clare was feeling hurt.

"You did. You were fun for a while, but then it got so tiring. When I saw you with Eli last night I figured it was over, so I moved on." Jake said, stealing another piece of bacon. If she was going to make him stay here and chat he was at least going to get something out of it.

"You saw me and Eli together last night?" Clare asked timidly.

"Yeah, it's pretty clear you are still hung up on him. I bet he loved every second of you falling all over him."

"Eli is not like that. Eli is a gentleman. Unlike some guys I know." Clare glared at Jake, "And what do you mean, you moved on?"

"I moved on. Let's just leave it at that. Are we finished here?" Jake's hangover was kicking in. All he wanted to do right now was chug his glass of water and go back to bed.

"No, we're not finished. We will never be finished. We still have to live together. How are we going to do that now?" Clare demanded to know.

"I should have listened to my father!" Jake groaned. "Listen, Clare, we have to pretend that nothing has happened. Hate me all you want in private, but if you do it in front of our parents they will know something is up. Do you want to explain that we lied to them? That we went behind their backs and did the one thing that they told us not to do? Because I really don't. My father may be cool about most things, but he doesn't take well to lying. I really don't want to have to deal with that lecture again."

Clare didn't know what to say. Jake did have a point. Her mom and Glen had been so happy lately to see Clare and Jake getting along so well. If only they had know the real reason for their children's change of hearts… They would not be so happy.

Clare didn't want to disappoint her mother again. She would have to try and be nice to Jake still. To treat him as if he were her brother.

"I don't want my mother to know…" was all Clare said.

"Good, so it's all settled then. Nice talk, sis." Jake grabbed a pancake out of the pan and a few more strips of bacon. "Thanks for the breakfast," he added and went back up to his Clare-free, drama-free bedroom.

Helen and Glen were in an exceptionally good mood when they arrived home later that evening. Helen was chatting excitedly about where they could hang their new wall sconces, when Clare came down to greet them.

"Hi mom. Glen. It looks like you had a successful day of antique shopping," Clare tried to act cheery.

"Hello sweetheart. Yes, we did. It was wonderful. Is Jake home? Glen needs some help unloading the truck." Helen said, unknowingly bringing up the one person Clare wished to avoid.

"He's up in his room, I think. He said something about not feeling well." Clare thought her first act as Jake's amazing sister would be to save him and his hangover from manual labor.

"Okay, that's fine. It can wait until tomorrow I suppose," Helen said as she held her new sconces up to different places on various walls trying to decide where they looked best. "How are you feeling? Not sick too, are you? That pesky migraine is gone, right?"

"Yes mom. I'm feeling fine, thanks." Clare felt awkward talking to her mother like nothing has happened after everything that happened last night and this afternoon.

"How was the party? You two got in mighty late." Helen said, mock accusingly.

"It was… fine. Uneventful. I just hung out with Adam most of the night. And…" Clare didn't know where she was going with this next part, but she felt like it was one think she could tell her mother that wouldn't be a lie. "…Eli was there."

"That's nice, honey, did you talk to him?" Helen asked.

"Yes, mom, I did."

"That's good. You two were so close. It's a shame things happened like they did. He is a nice boy. No matter how hard you tried to sway your father and my opinions otherwise." Helen said in a some-what scolding manner.

"He is nice. Very nice." Clare's face grew hot at the memory of how horribly she treated Eli when she paraded him around to her parents as some kind of monster. "Mom?" Clare asked.

"Yes darling?"

"I think we are going to try and be friends again. Do you think that would be alright?"

"Clare, I want you to be happy, and I trust you to make adult decisions about who you choose to keep as your friends. As long as that group of people that you surround yourself with is nice to you, and treats you respectfully, and supports your choices, then you have my permission. As for Eli specifically, I think it might do you well to have his support again. You haven't been the same since that friendship ended." Helen spoke from her heart.

Clare felt tears welling up in her eyes. Never had she thought that her mom could be so understanding. Maybe Glen was a good influence on her mother after all. She was certainly more easy-going since they have been together. Clare couldn't refrain herself; she leapt forward and gave her mom a big hug.

"Thanks mom. It means so much to have your support. I am sorry about how mean I have been in the past few months. I am going to work on getting back to the daughter you knew before. And I really am happy for you and Glen. I'm sorry I didn't see it before, but he is good for you. I love you, mom." Clare was on the verge of tears.

"Oh, Clare, I love you too! I knew you would come back to me eventually. All I ask is that you try from now on. And, if you have any problems, that you come to me and we can try and work it out." Helen was so proud of her daughter. She couldn't help but wonder what had caused her change of heart, but at this moment she honestly didn't care as long as Clare was happy and respectful again.


	6. You Don't Know Her Like I Do

**I figured I should probably say that I know, in the show, Clare is probably not going to get over Jake this quickly. I really just don't want to see Clare losing her mind and pining over Jake forever. It doesn't make sense to me. So I hope you can enjoy that my Clare realized how silly Cake was and gets over it pretty quickly. **

**Also, in my mind Fimogen is happening. So Imogen is not jealous, she is truly just concerned for her friend.**

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><p>The next day at school Clare wasn't sure what to expect. She, of course, had to ride in with Jake. They couldn't let their parents know that anything was wrong. On the ride, Jake had thanked Clare for saving him from their parents last night. That was the only thing they had talked about. The rest of the drive was quiet. Clare couldn't wait to get to school and leave the uncomfortable silence of Jake's truck behind her for the day.<p>

When Jake parked in his usual spot in front of the school Clare let out a sigh.

"You are still going to give me a ride home, right?" Clare asked.

"Of course. See you later," Jake grabbed his bag and headed into school without Clare.

Clare took her time getting out of the truck. It had just dawned on her that the whole school was probably buzzing about this weekend's party and she just wasn't ready to hear it.

Clare was slowly walking up to the school doors, with her head down, when she heard Adam call her name. Clare looked up and smiled when she saw Adam and Eli smiling back at her. Nothing could lift Clare's spirits quite like the smiles of those two boys. And now, with her reunion with Eli fresh in her mind, she couldn't help but grin. Clare wondered how she could have ever let this friendship get away from her. In this moment, she was positive that she had never been happy when she didn't have both Adam and Eli as her friends. After the weekend Clare had she certainly needed warm smiles from her FRIENDS right now.

"Hi!" Clare said excitedly, looking directly at Eli.

"Hi," Eli replied, returning her gaze.

"Hi Clare!" Adam moved his face in between Eli and Clare. "You got home safely the other night, I take it." Adam laughed at his own comment.

"I… Yes, I did. Sorry I left you like that at the party, Adam. That was wrong of me. I'm so sorry, I hope you weren't too worried." Clare was unsure of how much Eli had told Adam. If past precedents still held true, though, then Adam knew everything. That means Adam knows that she had kissed Eli. He knows she tried to persuade Eli to have sex with her. Clare suddenly felt embarrassed and was sure it was showing on her face.

"Let's… uh… It's time for school. Let's go." Clare turned quick and headed into the building in an attempt to hide her embarrassment.

The boys laughed at Clare's awkwardness. Adam loved that Clare was finally talking to his other best friend again and Eli loved how cute Clare looked when her cheeks were so flushed. Just like they were right now. Eli shrugged at Adam and they both followed Clare into the school.

As Clare rushed to her locker in a fit of panic, she wondered if Adam was upset with her. She was positive that Eli told him everything. What if Adam thought she was manipulating Eli? What if he thought that she was just using Eli again, like she had on the ride home from the cabin trip. Was she using Eli? Clare didn't think she was. She had been drunk, but Clare was convinced that she did actually mean all of those things that she had said to Eli the other night. No way that Adam could be mad at her for that. He didn't seem mad. Maybe Clare was just over thinking things. Just psyching herself out.

"Is everything okay, Clare? You took off pretty quick back there." Eli said to Clare's back, making her jump.

"Oh… Um… Yes, everything's fine, thanks," Clare tried to smile. It did no good. Eli couldn't see it anyway. She still had her face buried in her locker trying to avoid his gaze.

Eli could tell that something was wrong. He knew Clare better than anyone else. He could tell when she was embarrassed. He was hoping that it wasn't from anything that he did. Leave it to him to screw this up already.

Eli wanted to talk to her about it. He wanted to put his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. He wanted to tell her that, no matter what it was, that they could get through it together, but Eli was not sure if they were at that level in their friendship yet. And he knew that they weren't anywhere near the level of physical contact yet. Saturday did not count.

Eli figured that their friendship agreement meant that they were starting over. Now he just had to figure out how to be just friends with the one girl, left on this earth, that he had ever loved. He wasn't sure what would be the correct thing to say, but he figured that he might as well just go for it.

"Why are you so embarrassed?" Eli asked as delicately as he could.

"It's just that… It's just… Adam probably thinks I'm a horrible person. You probably think I am too. I'm guessing you told him everything. That's fine. I would have too, but now he knows what a bad person I am. I threw myself at you without even considering your feelings for one second! Do you even really want to be friends with me again? How could you want to? I have been nothing but mean to you since we broke up." Clare was starting to feel a bit dizzy and she grabbed onto her locker door to steady herself. How could she have let herself force Eli into this? After everything she had already put him through. She really was a mean person.

"Oh, Clare," the bell rang and Eli sighed, " I have to get to class, but this is nowhere near over. And neither Adam nor I are mad at you. We'll talk about this later." Eli smiled sadly, but Clare had not yet turned to face him. Eli was feeling daring. He had to make sure she understood. He placed his hand on her shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze before heading off to his first class with thoughts of Clare bouncing around in his brain.

At lunch, Clare walked into the cafeteria alone. She went to get her lunch alone. Only after she had her lunch in her hands and was staring out into the room, did she realize that she didn't know where to go and sit. She looked over to her usual table, the one where she always sat with Jake and Drew. That was automatically out. She knew she was pathetic, but she wasn't that pathetic. No reason to eat lunch with the guy she had just broken up with, even if he was technically her brother now. No, that wouldn't do.

At lunch, Clare walked into the cafeteria alone. She went to get her lunch alone. Only after she had her lunch in her hands and was staring out into the room, did she realize that she didn't know where to go and sit. She looked over to her usual table, the one where she always sat with Jake and Drew. That was automatically out. She knew she was pathetic, but she wasn't that pathetic. No reason to eat lunch with the guy she had just broken up with, even if he was technically her brother now. No, that wouldn't do.

Jenna's laugh was the next thing that caught Clare's attention. She and Jenna hadn't really talked lately, but they had become friendly acquaintances again last year. Surely Jenna wouldn't mind Clare joining her.

Clare started to walk towards Jenna's table when she realized that Alli was also sitting there. Oh no. Clare decided to abort that idea. She hadn't talked to Alli in weeks and she didn't think that right now would be the best time to start. She would have to deal with Alli another day.

Maybe Clare could go back to having lunch with Adam and Eli. That would be nice, just like the good old days. She looked over in their direction and immediately decided against it. No way was she going to go over there and ask to sit with them when Imogen and Fiona were there. Clare was intimidated by each of those girls individually; there was no way of telling what would happen when they were together.

Clare decided she would just take her lunch outside. It was nice out. If anyone questioned her, that could be her excuse. She just wanted to enjoy the nice weather before it was gone for the winter, no need to admit that she didn't have any friends to sit with at lunch.

Eli had noticed Clare standing alone on the other side of the room. He knew that she was probably having an internal debate with herself on what to do and where to sit right now. He tried to catch her eye and tell her to come and sit with them, but it didn't happen. Instead, she just took off and headed outside with her lunch. Eli sat there for a second thinking about how lonely Clare must be feeling right now. With that he jumped up and decided to follow Clare. It was obvious that she needed a friend right now and he was determined to be it.

"Eli, where are you going?" Imogen called after him.

"Be right back!" was all Eli answered.

Eli walked out to the courtyard. He spotted Clare, sitting alone at a picnic table and reading a book. She looked so sad and yet so pretty. He couldn't help but pause for a moment and take in her beauty.

He shouldn't be thinking this way about his friend. He shook the thoughts out of his head and walked over to Clare slowly and cautiously sat down across from her.

"Hi…" Eli started as Clare looked up from her book and let her eyes meet his. "You want to talk now?"

"Can we just not? I am way too embarrassed right now. I just want to pretend that today hasn't happened." Clare said.

"Clare, we can't be friends if we aren't going to be open and honest with each other. That's how friendship works. You tell me your problems and I help you get through them. We used to be really good at this, remember?" Eli explained.

"Eli, I'm not so sure that I was ever any good at being your friend. I never though of your feelings, and I still haven't, obviously. You were always there for me, but I just left when you needed me most. Our friendship was one sided and it was always you that was keeping me happy and helping me. I never returned the favor. I don't deserve to have you as a friend." Clare tried to express her feelings honestly while still trying not to hurt Eli.

"Forget about that, Clare, it's in the past and it's none of that is true. I was under the impression that we were starting over here. So let's wipe the slate clean and actually try and do this thing!" Eli smiled a friendly smile and Clare couldn't help but return it.

"Now, there is no need to be embarrassed, Clare. Yes, I told Adam, but I just needed to make sure my mind wasn't playing tricks on me. I needed a second opinion. I didn't tell anyone else, and neither will he. It's over. You were drunk. We get it." Eli paused and smiled a reassuring smile to Clare. "You are not going to get rid of us this easily. I've missed being friends with you. I've missed having you in my life. Let's go back inside and Adam can tell you the same thing, if you need him too."

"I appreciate that. You have always been way too good to me, now I am going to try and make it up to you. I can't go back inside though. Fiona and Imogen don't like me. I can't just intrude on you guys and your friends."

"It's not that they don't like you, they just don't know you. You'll have to give them some of that Edwards charm." Eli laughed, "They pretend to be much scarier than they really are. No need to worry about Fiona and Imogen. Let's go."

Eli stared hopefully at Clare until she gave in and packed up her things. When she finally stood up from the table, he grabbed her hand to lead her back inside. It was as though a bolt of electricity shot right through them. They both felt it and the both knew the other had felt it. Instead of mentioning it, though, they just exchanged bashful looks and headed inside hand in hand. There was no point in saying anything; they both would have denied their feelings in that moment. They were only friends. There was nothing else between them.

Imogen's face dropped when she saw Eli walk back over to the table holding Clare's hand. How could Eli be back with Clare after the way she had treated him? How could he have done this without at least warning her? Clare was still with Jake as far as Imogen knew. Was she cheating on Jake with Eli? This was not going to end well. Imogen glared at Adam. Surely Adam knew what was going on. Adam just smiled stupidly at Eli and Clare.

"So, Clare is going to sit with us from now on." Eli said, almost daring the girls to contradict him. "We are friends again and I would appreciate it if you guys would support that." Eli walked Clare to sit down next to Adam then he sat back in his spot next to Imogen, across from Clare.

Eli looked over at Imogen, mentally begging her to be okay with this, and she just gave him an incredulous look. She though she was dreaming this. He did only say that they were friends. Hopefully that was all. Imogen was scared for Eli. She had seen him the last time he tried to get over Clare and she knew how difficult that was for him. She didn't want to have to see him so broken again. She didn't know if she would be able to put the pieces back together yet again.

When Eli looked over to Fiona, she was smiling back at him. He knew he could count on Fiona to support him, no matter what. Now he would just have to sway Imogen.

After lunch Eli and Imogen walked to their drama class together. Imogen couldn't keep her mouth shut about Clare any longer.

"How did this happen? You and Clare are JUST friends again? You aren't trying to get back together with her, are you? This is bad, Eli. This is going to end poorly. You shouldn't have done this. She's just going to leave you for her brother again!" Imogen was fuming.

"Imogen. Imogen, calm down. Everything will be all right. Clare and I are just friends. We talked this weekend and decided to try and be friends again. She realized that Jake is not a good guy, but she still has to live with him. I'm sure she will still have to talk to him at some point, and that's okay. She can be friends with both Jake and I. No reason that she can't if she wants too. I want Clare in my life. I also want you in my life, so could you please try and go along with this?" Eli was trying to convince Imogen that he was making the right decisions.

Imogen did not like any of this one bit. Clare and Jake must have broken up this weekend. That must be why she came running back to Eli. Imogen did not want her friend to get hurt again. She had to do something.

"Eli, I don't think I can support this. I just don't like what Clare did to you. And now, she and her brother broke up, and she comes running straight back to you." Imogen could not understand why Eli didn't see that. Was he really that blind to Clare Edwards' evil ways?

"Imogen, you have no idea what you are talking about!" Eli was starting to get upset now. Why couldn't his friend just be supportive of him? He understood that this was an unusual situation, but still. If Imogen cared about him she should want him to be happy. "Clare really needs a friend right now and I plan I being there for her. You know I still care about her. I probably always will, but I am not going to let my emotions get away from me. We're just friends. She and I have already talked about this. I don't want to lose her friendship again and I will do anything I can to not let that happen! You don't know her like I do. You just don't understand, Imogen. You don't know what she and I have been through together. She's my… she was my best friend!"

Eli had to relax. He turned his back to Imogen and took a few deep breaths. He couldn't let himself get out of control right now. He had a right to be angry, but he did not have a right to lose control. Imogen was just being so stubborn right now.

Imogen could tell that she had maybe pushed her friend a little bit too far. She was starting to feel bad now. Maybe Eli really could make his own decisions. He had clearly made up his mind about this and she was not going to be able to change it. Imogen decided that she would just have to support her friend whether she liked it or not. It was either that or lose Eli, and she did not want to lose him.

"Okay, Eli. I will let it go. For now. I just don't want to see you get hurt again." There, Imogen thought, that was good enough; supportive, yet not accepting.


	7. Draw Me A Map

**I don't own Dierks Bentley (unfortunately) or his song Draw Me A Map, but I highly suggest listening to it. It is beautiful. I don't own Eric Church's song Like Jesus Does, but I may be a bit obsessed with that man, he is an amazing lyricist. I had to murder his words a bit to make it fit better for Clare/Eli, but you should check him out.**

**I want to apologize for such the delay in updating. This chapter has actually been finished for awhile, but as those of you that follow me on twitter probably know, I've been having some technical issues with my computer. This chapter was trapped on my laptop and I just now got it off.**

**Now, because of that whole fiasco I have a question for anyone reading this. I have not yet written the next chapter of this story (not giving up on it, just didn't have access to it), BUT I have about 4 chapters of a new story that I have been working on. **

**QUESTION: Would you rather me finish this story first or should I start posting the other story now and work on updating both stories at the same time? Either way is fine with me, I'll go with whatever you guys want.**

**OKAY, If you read all of that then I love you. Now enjoy this chapter. I hope it was worth the wait! :)**

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><p>Eli and Clare had been friends again for a full week now. After his run-in with Imogen on Monday afternoon, Eli's week was shaping up to be okay. Eli had gotten Imogen to, at least, not complain about Clare. Now Imogen was more intrigued in Eli and Clare's relationship. Imogen loved trying to figure people out and these two sure were a challenge. They would each say they were only friends and then act as though they were lovers destined to be together forever.<p>

Eli didn't even have to worry about Fiona protesting his revitalized friendship with Clare. She knew how much he cared about Clare and she knew that he would always put Clare first. Fiona knew how difficult it was to find someone that you can love and care about and she figured that her friend deserved her acceptance and support. It was the least she could do after everything that he had done for her.

Eli was enjoying his friendship with Clare. She had eaten lunch with him, Adam, Imogen, and Fiona each day this week. It appeared to Eli that everyone was beginning to get along. He would have loved it if Imogen and Fiona would be more open to Clare, but he guessed that it wasn't a good idea to push the subject. Clare and Eli had also worked on their English project with Adam. It only took them two afternoons at the library after school, but they enjoyed the time they got to spend together.

It was now Friday afternoon and Clare, Adam, and Eli were sitting in English class. It was the last class of the day and it was unseasonably warm out today. No one could concentrate on learning this afternoon, they all just wanted to get outside and enjoy one of the last warm days. Miss Dawes decided to take pity on her favorite class and gave them a poetry assignment and left them to work among themselves.

Eli was scrawling some lines in his notebook when Adam snatched it off of his desk.

"Dude, trying to write over here!" Eli was a little pissed off that his friend had interrupted his creative flow.

"I'm lost. I don't know what to write about. I need some inspiration!" Adam told his friend as he glanced at Eli's messy handwriting.

"NO! Please, no, don't read that. It's uh… not finished. Don't read it," Eli said grabbing for his notebook.

It was clear to Adam that Eli was trying to hide what he was writing about. That only intrigued Adam even more. He had to read it now. Adam turned his back to Eli and attempted to read his writing. It was pretty difficult with Eli swatting at the notebook every two seconds, but Adam managed.

_Staring deep into your eyes_

_Searching for answers to questions I can't find_

_If I took for granted that I held your heart_

_I'd beg forgiveness but I don't know where to start_

_Draw me a map that leads me back to you_

_I don't know where to go, please tell me what to do_

_Help me find the road you're on_

_I just need directions home_

_Draw me a map that leads me back to you._

Adam finished reading and dropped the notebook to his lap. He was shocked. Eli had written this? Adam was positive that it was about Clare. Eli was finally admitting his feelings, to himself at least. Adam was excited. He knew this day was coming; it was always only a matter of time. Eli and Clare could never just be friends.

"Please don't say anything," Eli whispered, defeated.

"This is beautiful." Adam said, turning back to face his friend. "And I knew it!"

Eli looked up in confusion. Now he was intrigued, "You knew what?"

"I knew that you were still in love with Clare. You want to get back together with her!" Adam whispered, leaning in so only his friend could hear. "You should give this to Clare, she would love it."

"No! And you are not going to tell her anything about this." Eli said pointing to his notebook that he had stolen back from Adam.

Just then Clare interrupted their exchange.

"Hey guys, it's so nice out. Want to go get ice cream after school today?" Clare asked her two best friends.

"Sure! We can walk over right after school. Ice cream sounds perfect right now." Eli said sounding a bit more excited than he had planned.

"Sorry, I can't. Mom'll be mad if I'm not ready when she gets here to pick me and Drew up." Adam knew he could tell Drew to let their mom know he didn't need a ride home and that she probably wouldn't care, but this was the perfect chance to get his friends to spend some time together without any distractions.

"Oh, well, we could wait for you, Adam. We could go after dinner later." Clare wanted to be accommodating to her friend.

"No, no, you guys go. Have fun!" Adam was mentally patting himself on the back. This was going to be perfect!

"Adam, I don't want you to be left out, it's fine. We can wait for you." Eli told his friend.

Eli knew what Adam was trying to do here. Adam was not as slick as he though. As much as Eli would love to spend some alone time with Clare, he did not think that it was such a good idea right now. They hadn't been alone since last weekend and Eli didn't even want to think about what had happened then. He could not afford to let his mind wander back to kissing Clare. Or to having Clare straddle him and push him down on her bed and lean over him so desperately... ENGLISH CLASS! You are in English Class. Eli mentally scolded himself.

Eli gave Adam a look that he hoped said "I know what you are doing and I hate you right now" but Adam just laughed.

"Just go. Have fun. Enjoy the nice weather for me while I have to deal with Drew and my mother." Adam was not backing down. Eli and Clare were going to go get ice cream alone together, there was no way he was going to play third wheel to their relationship today. They needed some alone time.

Twenty minutes later, the final bell rang and Clare, Eli, and Adam packed up their things and headed towards the classroom door.

"I need to stop by my locker. I'll meet you out in front, okay?" Clare asked Eli.

Eli shyly shook his head. He still couldn't believe that he was basically going on a date with Clare right now. A friend date, but a date none-the-less. Eli was getting nervous. What if he couldn't think of anything to say? What if he said the wrong thing and ended up ruining the friendship he had barely had any time to enjoy?

"Ugg… Thanks, man. Why did you do this to me?" Eli was getting worried and it was all Adam's fault.

"Do what? I have to meet my mom. Sorry, I can't go be your crutch with Clare." Adam was not sorry at all.

"Don't give me that, Adam. I know your mom doesn't care what you do on Friday afternoons! You need to come and save me. I can't be alone with Clare right now. I might do something stupid, like try to kiss her." Eli pleaded with Adam.

"Nope. I am not going to save you this time. I think you and Clare need some alone time. This will be perfect." Adam laughed at his friend's obvious distress. Eli would live and then he would thank him for this.

When Eli and Adam made it to the front door Clare was already there waiting. Adam said his goodbyes and ran off to meet his mother. Eli was left standing next to Clare and feeling quite awkward. Last year he would have held her hand and walked slowly to the ice cream shop, enjoying her company while discussing anything and everything. Right now, he couldn't even form a full sentence when he was alone with Clare.

"Let's, uh… get going." Eli managed to get out between sneaking glances at the girl he loved but could not have.

Clare had to stop herself from grabbing Eli's hand. She was letting the old familiar-ness of the situation get the better of her. Just friends, she kept reminding herself.

It was difficult, but Eli and Clare made it to the ice cream shop without holding hands. They did, however, fall into the rhythm of their usual conversations. They had both forgotten how nice it was to just talk to each other.

"Do you still like vanilla with rainbow sprinkles?" Eli asked remembering Clare's usual order.

"Of course," Clare smiled. Of course Eli would remember something like that. Eli remembered everything she liked. He remembered everything about her. She doubted Jake even knew what color her eyes were.

Eli stepped up to the window and ordered, "One vanilla with rainbow sprinkles and one vanilla with chocolate sprinkles." Eli paid the nice girl behind the counter and then handed Clare her ice cream cone.

"You didn't have to do that. You didn't have to pay for me. Here, let me pay you back." Clare said trying to grab for her wallet with her free hand.

"No, my treat," Eli placed his hand over Clare's to stop her, "Consider it a 'congratulations on my friendship' present."

Clare couldn't help but laugh. "Still so smug I see, Goldsworthy!" She shook her head. "But, no really, thank you. You didn't have to do that." Clare was beginning to remember the Eli she had left behind last spring. He didn't do things for her because he had to; he did things for her because he genuinely wanted to. Eli was one of the great ones. How had Clare ever let him slip away?

"Well are you just going to let your ice cream melt all over the place, or are you going to eat it? This was your idea. Don't tell me you don't want that now. I don't think I'll be able to finish TWO ice cream cones right now." Eli joked.

"Oh sorry. No, I want it. I was just… thinking about something." Clare said slightly embarrassed that Eli had caught her off guard. She was only glad that he couldn't tell what she had been thinking.

Eli noticed the slight blush that was forming on Clare's cheeks and couldn't help stare at her. He thought that she was way too cute for her own good.

Eli decided to start walking; he needed to take his mind off of the overwhelming feeling that he wanted to lean in and kiss Clare. Clare followed close to his side. They spent a few minutes in comfortable silence walking through the familiar streets. They were both thinking about how they had not felt this comfortable with another person in such a long time.

"Where are we going?" Eli wondered out loud, realizing that they were walking about aimlessly.

"I was following you," Clare giggled. She loved the relaxed nature of their relationship. She loved that, after all they had been through, they could still laugh together.

Eli realized that they were in front of a park. He spotted a picnic table and headed towards it to sit down. Clare followed suit. They threw their bags on the table and proceeded to finish their ice cream cones. Eli, of course, finished his first and ended up staring at Clare while she finished hers.

"You staring at me right now is becoming a bit creepy," Clare finished eating and looked right at Eli.

"I can't help it that you are so beautiful," Eli said before he could stop himself.

Clare blushed and looked away from Eli's piercing gaze.

"I didn't mean that! Well, yes I did, but I didn't mean to say it out loud." Eli couldn't believe he had said that. He had been trying too hard not to screw this up and now look at him. He couldn't even keep his stupid thoughts to himself.

"It's fine, Eli. Really. That is a wonderful compliment. Thank you. I can always count on you to boost my ego." Clare's face was beaming.

Okay, Eli thought to himself, maybe it wasn't a total failure that he let his feelings slip out. Clare seemed to love the compliment. Maybe Adam was right. Maybe she was feeling a little more than friendship for him, just like he was feeling more towards her. Now he just had to figure out a way to find out for sure.

"Clare, you are the most beautiful girl that I have ever had the pleasure of being friends with," Eli admitted.

"That's can't be true. You are friends with Fiona Coyne. She's like the prettiest girl at Degrassi." Clare couldn't believe what she was hearing right now. How could she, plain old Clare, be prettier than The Fiona Coyne?

"Fiona is great, but she has nothing on you. You are beautiful inside and out. Fiona may be pretty, but she can also be pretty snobby. No one is as nice as you, Clare." Eli told her flat out.

"Oh Eli, no, I haven't been very nice lately. I definitely don't deserve all of this praise." Clare tried to explain.

"That girl, that 'mean Clare', she's not the girl I know. We may have lost you for a little while back there, but underneath it all it was always the sweet girl I knew. And now you are back, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will end up being even nicer than ever. That's just who you are, Clare. I guess I'm just going to have to learn to deal with it," Eli said, letting a little bit of that sarcasm that Clare always loved shine through at the end of his speech.

"Eli, what did you write about for your poem for Miss Dawes' class?" Clare asked.

"Changing the subject now, are we?" Eli countered.

"No, it's just, I was wondering what you wrote about." Clare had a very specific reason she wanted to know. She really just wanted an excuse to be able to show him what she had written so far. It was about him. She wanted to thank him for how nice he was being right now.

"I, uh, didn't finish the assignment yet. I didn't really write anything," Eli was wondering why she had to bring this up all of the sudden. It's not like she could have known what he wrote about her, right? Eli began to think he would re-do the assignment. He didn't want to hand in the poem that he had written this afternoon.

Clare was wondering why Eli couldn't take a hint today. She was going to have to be more direct, "Well, would you mind looking at mine? I could use some of your editing skills."

Clare pulled her poem out of her bag. She was now second-guessing her plan to show Eli what she had written about him. What if he doesn't like it? Clare could handle constructive criticism about her work, what she wouldn't be able to handle is if Eli totally hated that she had written about him. It was too late to take it back now.

"Give it here, Edwards. You know I love putting my amazing editing skills to good use." Eli snatched the paper from her hand.

Eli started reading and could not believe his eyes. This was Clare's handwriting, alright, but it didn't seem possible that these were her words; they can't be about him, must be about someone else. That's the only explanation that could make any sense. No way that this was about him.

_I always thought he'd give up on me someday_

_Wash his hands of me, leave me all alone _

_But I thank God each night_

_That he loves me like Jesus does._

_All the crazy in my dreams_

_Both of my broken wings_

_Every single piece of everything I am_

_He knows the girl I'm not_

_He forgives me when I can't_

_He loves me like Jesus does._

"That's nice," Eli told her when he was finished reading?

"Nice? No criticisms? No sarcastic remarks?" Clare was a tad taken aback that Eli had shown no reaction, "No comment on subject matter?" She had to know what he thought, even if it meant asking him flat out. Clare was sick of playing games.

"It's beautiful, that's for sure. I just… who is this about?" No sense in being indirect. Might as well find out right now who it was that she had these feelings for.

"Is it not obvious?" Clare murmured.

"Is it about Jake? If it is I really don't want to know-"

"NO! No. Come on. Do you not see it? It's about you! What you were saying to me before, about how I'm back to being nice and how you knew I would come back, that's what I was getting at with this poem. You are always there for me. You know me better than anyone else and you believe in me. You always see me for what I am. You still love and care about me, even when I am at my worst. That, my friend, is why I need you in my life. And that is why… why… I still… I love you."

Eli didn't respond right away. He was taking in everything Clare had just said and everything that her poem had said. She was right. He did love her. He was mad at himself for being so transparent. He should have known. He was never one for wearing his heart on his sleeve, but when it came to Clare it was too hard not to let his emotions show.

Eli was trying to think of an adequate response when an idea hit him.

"Here," Eli said pulling a notebook from his bag and opening up to the page where he had scrawled his poem during English Class. After pausing for a brief second to make sure this wasn't a crazy idea, he handed the notebook over to Clare, "Read this please. Just don't be mad if it offends you. I didn't mean for it to come out as an offensive thing. It's just how I have been feeling lately."

Clare cautiously took Eli's notebook in her hands. She didn't look at it right away. She stared directly into his eyes and could tell that this was difficult for him. Whatever he had written must be something extremely personal, he had never had any hesitation sharing his writing with her before.

Clare finally looked down when Eli turned his head to try and hide his discomfort. The familiar scribbles that made up Eli's messy handwriting immediately brought a smile to her face. She never realized how much she had missed something as simple as this; something as simple as being able to sit here with Eli and discuss writing and share their work with each other.

As she began reading, the first line stood out to her right away. This was about a girl. No wonder Eli had told her he didn't write anything for the assignment, he hadn't wanted to share the feelings he had for another girl. As Clare continued reading she began to realize that this wasn't about another girl. Eli's poem was about her. Leave it to Eli to find the perfect way to express their situation. Clare felt tears starting to form in her eyes.

"Oh, don't cry," Eli had finally looked back up at Clare so that he could try and gauge her reaction. Tears were nowhere near what he had been expecting. He was prepared for yelling and screaming and accusations of suffocation, but he was not prepared for tears.

"This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read! This is about us, right?" Clare said as the tears started to fall down her cheeks.

"Yes," Eli looked down. He couldn't bring himself to meet her watery eyes.

"Eli... Eli, look at me," Clare demanded and Eli obeyed. "Eli, this is perfect. Thank you so much for showing it to me. This poem, your words, this is how I feel about you also. I love the part about needing directions home. That's my favorite, because that's how I feel. You are my home. When my life was falling apart, you were the only one that was there for me. You became my comfort and the only place I felt safe was whenever I was with you. I just forgot that for a little while, but I won't forget again. I promise."

"Where do we go from here? This is a bit unusual… Aren't we supposed to be just friends? I'm pretty sure that friends don't openly admit that they are in love with each other. That is what we are doing right now, right?" Eli asked.

"We are friends," Clare clarified. She needed to make sure that Eli knew, that no matter what, they were friends first.

Eli gave Clare a disapproving look. She was not this naive.

"You know what I mean, please don't play dumb."

"I'm not playing dumb. We are friends first. I don't want to lose what we have. I can't lose you as a friend again. If that means that's all we ever are, then fine." Clare explained herself.

"I don't want to lose our friendship either, but I also don't think that we should be lying to ourselves."

"I do love you. I've already said that. I told you about a million times last weekend and I told you today. Not even five minutes ago. The only one that is not admitting their feelings here is you." Clare was pretty sure he felt the same way, but she needed to hear him say it.

Clare was right. He hadn't explicitly stated his love for her. Sure Eli told her she was beautiful, but he thought that was more of a fact than him admitting his feelings. Plus, he hadn't actually meant to let that slide out. That's what had started this whole thing. He could have been happily ignorant to Clare's feelings, but now he knew and now he just wanted to act on them.

"I thought my feelings were quite obvious. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to come off as suffocating. I have never stopped loving you." Eli verified.

"Oh, right," Clare had momentarily forgotten all of those horrible things she had screamed at Eli over the phone last spring. As the memories came rushing back her tears turned into sobs.

Eli couldn't stand the sight of Clare being so upset. He walked over to her side of the table and sat down next to her in order to comfort her. Eli took Clare's hands in his and tried to talk her down from her crying fit.

"I'm sorry I brought that up. It's in the past. We agreed to let that go. I just can't get over my feelings that I am going to do something to hurt you or to make you run away again. I don't want to scare you." Now Eli was getting emotional. He was trying very hard to hold back tears of his own. It killed him to watch Clare cry and not be able to do anything to stop it.

Clare sniffed and looked him in the eye.

"I love you, Clare. I have loved you, pretty much, since the day I met you. No matter what happens between us, there will always be a special place in my heart for you." Eli pulled Clare's hands up to his face and gently kissed them. That only started a whole new wave of tears for Clare. Happy tears this time.

Clare's heart was floating. Eli's lips touching her skin set something off inside her. The only thing she could think about was that she wanted was more. She needed to be closer. She pulled Eli into a hug and hid her face on his shoulder.

"More," she mumbled into his neck.

"What was that, Miss Mumbles?" Eli couldn't help but chuckle at her cuteness. He held his arms around her back, but pulled away a few inches so he could understand what she was trying to say.

Clare kept her head down. She wasn't sure if she should repeat herself, but she really wanted to feel his lips against her skin one more time. She slowly looked up at Eli.

"I said, more," she whispered.

"More what?" Eli was confused.

"Kiss," Clare turned her head and pushed the side of her forehead to Eli's lips.

Eli's mind was racing. He couldn't believe that he was sitting here with Clare, his lips pressed against her soft skin and his arms wrapped around her so tightly, and she was not just okay with it, she was flat out encouraging it. This time last week they were not even talking. Things were moving so fast, but he couldn't help but realize that nothing about this felt wrong. This is where Eli was meant to be.

"I love you," Eli whispered into Clare's hair when he pulled her in closer.

They sat like that for a long time enjoying the feel of the other's warm arms wrapped tightly around them. Eli kept his face buried in Clare's hair and couldn't get enough of the intoxicating smell of her shampoo. Neither one of them dared to move, they were afraid that if they let go then the magic would be lost.

It was only when the sun started to get lost behind the trees, and Clare's body betrayed her and started to shudder at the change in temperature, that they slowly moved out of their embrace.

"I had better get you home, you don't have a jacket. You'll be freezing when the sun goes down." Eli said as he rubbed his hands up and down Clare's arms in an attempt to warm her up.

"I don't want to go home. It's the weekend. I don't want to deal with my mom… and Jake. I want to stay with you." Clare whined and hid her face against Eli's shoulder again.

"Clare, it's going to start to get cold and you are only wearing a skirt and a short sleeve shirt. You need to go home and put on warm clothes. I'm not keeping you out and letting you get sick. Plus, your mom will be worried if you don't come home for dinner." Eli said trying to reason with Clare. He didn't want to let her leave anymore than she didn't want to leave, but he only wanted what was best for her.

Clare just lifted her head and pouted.

"Come on, I'll walk you home." Eli stood up, put all of their things away, and picked up both of their bags. He was now standing next to Clare and waiting for her to get up off of the picnic table bench.

"Clare, you going home does not mean that this is over. I'd like to hope that this is just the start. You need to go home, though. I don't want your mom to worry." Eli held out his hand and waited.

"I see Captain Curfew is back!" Clare giggled as she finally gave in and stood up to take Eli's hand.

As they walked home hand-in-hand, Clare couldn't help but think how easy it was to fall back into the familiar rhythm of this… relationship? Of this friendship? Of… whatever this was right now.

When they reached the sidewalk in front of Clare's house she didn't want to let go. She pulled Eli in for one last hug.

"Okay, you better go now," Eli said when she let go.

Clare went against her desires and started to head towards her front door.

"Clare," Eli called after her. "Your bag." He held out her bag that she had forgotten he was holding.

"Thanks for carrying it," Clare smiled.

As she reached out and took a hold of her bag, Eli pulled it back towards his body and Clare was dragged along with it.

"What did you do that for?" Clare asked, surprised.

Eli didn't respond. He just pulled her back in close with his free arm and looked deep into her eyes. He couldn't hold back any longer. He leaned down an inch and waited for any sign of hesitation on Clare's part. When he didn't find any he went for it. He did the one thing he had been longing for. He kissed Clare. Not on the hand, not on her forehead. He kissed Clare right on the lips and, as cheesy as it sounds, he would have sworn that fireworks erupted when her lips met his.

It was a simple kiss, not one full of lust and desire. It was a kiss between two friends, a kiss that offered a promise of tomorrow.

"Wow," was the only word that Clare could express when Eli pulled away. Clare stood in front of her house, lost in a daze. Eli kissed her once more on the cheek and turned to walk away, leaving Clare alone with her hand now touching the place his lips just left.

Eli was practically skipping on his way home. He didn't want his time with Clare to end, but he had to get out of there before he lost control. He needed time to think everything over. He hoped that they could move forward from here. As long as this did not ruin their friendship, then Eli could make himself be happy even if this was only a one-time thing.


	8. Hell On An Angel

**Thank you for the ride. And thank you all for your lovely comments. I loved every single one of them. This chapter felt like a natural end for this story. I have a few more ideas in mind for Eli and Clare, but I will leave that for a new story or maybe even a sequel. This story was just supposed to be about Clare getting drunk and breaking up with Jake, but I let it get a little out of control! haha Well, I hope you enjoyed it anyway.**

**As a Valentine's Day present to you all I will be posting the first chapter to my next story today also. I hope you will read and enjoy that one as much as this one.**

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><p>Shortly before dinner time, at his house, Adam received two text messages.<p>

"Come over later – Eli"

"Need to talk! – Clare"

Adam laughed to himself. He guessed that his plan worked. He ate dinner quickly and told his mother he was staying at Eli's house for the night.

When Adam arrived at Eli's house, Eli answered the door with a huge grin on his face.

"Oh, you can start thanking me now," Adam pushed past his friend with a laugh.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Eli joked. "But my mom made cookies, so I hope that is thanks enough."

"All for me, right? You had ice cream already; I wouldn't want you to get a sugar high or something. You did have ice cream, right?" Adam was having fun with this.

"Yes, Clare and I had ice cream, you know this. Why don't you just ask what you actually want to know?"

"Stop playing games, just give me details! It went alright?" Adam asked.

"It went fine," Eli said as non-chalantly as he could manage.

"Fine? Only fine? Come on, jerk, just tell me what happened!" Adam was getting anxious for details now.

Eli refused to speak. He just led Adam into the kitchen and force fed him cookies to try and avoid answering his friend's questions. It wasn't that Eli didn't want to tell his best friend about what had happened; it was just that Eli wasn't ready to explain. He was still basking in the glow of kissing Clare and he was still trying to figure it all out in his head. He knew that Adam would be happy for him, but Eli wanted to be sure that this is what he really wanted and what was good for him.

"Okay, enough! I can't eat anymore cookies right now! Just tell me what happened," Adam was almost yelling.

Eli though back to earlier, to kissing Clare, and he smiled uncontrollably.

"It's just, I, we…"

"Yes? You what? Spit it out Goldsworthy!"

"We talked. It was nice. We—"

_Knock knock_

"I better get that, Bullfrog probably forgot his key again. My father is so scatterbrained sometimes, I swear!"

Eli left Adam and headed to the front door. He was expecting his father to be standing on the other side. He was trying to think of something funny to say to make fun of Bullfrog.

When Eli opened his door he was completely stunned. Clare was standing on his front steps. It only took a few seconds before Clare jumped up into his arms, wrapped her arms and legs around him tightly, and started kissing him.

"I… couldn't… wait… any longer," Clare breathed between furious kisses to Eli's entire face.

Eli began to kiss her back with just as much passion. They were so caught up in each other they didn't notice Adam sneak up behind them.

"Soooo… I take it you guy did more than just get ice cream this afternoon. This is the best thing ever! My two best friends, back together. Misfits reunited at last!" Adam started doing a little victory dance.

Clare closed her eyes. She could feel her cheeks start to burn bright red.

"Adam is here," she whispered in Eli's ear.

"Yeah, sorry. You surprised me. I didn't have a chance to warn you."

"He thought it was Bullfrog at the door," Adam shouted from behind Eli.

Clare finally looked over Eli's shoulder shyly, "Hi Adam."

"Hi Clare," Adam drawled out. "So lovely of you to join us this fine evening."

"Okay, I'm just going to go. I didn't mean to interrupt." Clare tried to jump down from Eli's grip, but he wouldn't let her go.

"Nope, you are staying, right Adam?"

"As long as you don't complain about the movie we picked. It's Gran Torino night. Clint Eastwood. Booyah!" Adam yelled.

"I did tell my mom I wouldn't be home tonight," Clare whispered to Eli.

Eli's eyes widened in shock. He finally placed her on the ground in front of him and just stared at her, trying to form words.

Clare just shrugged her shoulders, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and walked past him into the house.

Adam led Clare into the kitchen to get some snacks ready to watch the movie. They left a shocked Eli standing in the doorway, staring out into the dark night.

"What are you doing, kiddo?" Bullfrog asked his son as he walked up the sidewalk to his front door.

"Huh?" Eli was drawn out of his own mind. "Oh, I don't know. Just lost in thought I guess."

"You have always been a strange kid, let's try and keep the front door closed from now on though. In or out. Make up your mind," Bullfrog gently scolded.

"Sorry Dad," Eli apologized as he headed inside to find Clare and Adam.

Bullfrog followed Eli into the kitchen and was surprised by what he saw. It now made a little more sense why his son had been standing, shocked, in the front doorway.

"Clarebelle! What a surprise. It's good to see you. We've missed you around here. Cece will love having some estrogen around here again. She's been getting sick of video games and violent movies," Bullfrog joked. He had no idea what was going on here, but humor was his defense mechanism. "Oh, cookies! If you give me some of those I'll leave you kids alone."

"Here take them," Eli shoved a handful of cookies at his father and prayed for him to leave. This night was becoming extremely awkward. Eli was getting a bit nervous. He didn't even want to think about what Cece was going to say when she got home. Surely it will be something extremely embarrassing.

"Let's go start the movie," Eli said flatly.

Eli went to put the movie in the DVD player and Adam laid down and stretched out on the couch. Clare shot Adam an incredulous look.

"What?" Adam asked, defensively. "This is my movie spot. You are Eli's guest. He can share his spot with you. I'm sorry, I love you, Clare, but I'm not giving up my movie comfort for you."

"Adam, you are a jerk," Eli jokingly accused as he sat down on the loveseat and patted the cushion next to him for Clare to come sit down.

"So, what is this move about?" Clare asked as she sat down next to Eli.

"It's about Clint Eastwood kicking ass and driving an awesome car!" Adam enthusiastically explained.

"It's about this kid who is pressured to join a gang. When he tries to steal this old guy's car, the old man kind of takes him under his wing and makes him do work around the neighborhood and tries to keep him out of the gang. It's good, but there is some violence. I hope it's not too much for you," Eli clarified.

"I'm not a baby; I can handle a little violence. What made you guys pick this movie, though? Sounds like you have both seen it already," Clare asked.

"We've been having a Clint Eastwood marathon of sorts. Our goal is to watch all of his movies this year," Eli told Clare.

Clare began to realize just how much she didn't know about Adam and Eli anymore. Their lives hadn't just stopped when Clare left them. Not that Clare had expected that to happen, but still, it made her a little sad.

"It's starting! Shh," Adam scolded.

Clare was enjoying the movie, but she wondered why there had to be so much violence and so much cussing. Clare shuttered at each curse word and when a particularly violent scene came on, she couldn't help but cover her eyes.

Eli put his arm around Clare's shoulder and pulled her closer so he could whisper in her ear, "Hey, you okay?"

Clare trembled when his hot breath hit the side of her face.

"Y-Yes, I'm fine. You were right. This is pretty violent," Clare stammered quietly.

"It's almost over, but we can go wait in the other room if you want," Eli whispered, trying not to bother Adam with their talking.

"No, that's alright. I want to see how it ends." Clare cuddled closer to Eli. Now that he had his arm around her, there was no way she was going to leave that couch.

"You can pick the next movie," Eli said and kissed her forehead.

"NO VAMPIRES!" Adam chimed in. "And shhh, you two are very distracting."

"It wasn't THAT bad," Clare said as the movie ended.

"You aren't traumatized, are you?" Eli joked.

Clare shot him a disapproving look, "Other than the violence, and bad language, it was pretty good. I liked the overall story."

Eli smiled at her. She was trying so hard. He couldn't help but think of how cute she was.

"Okay, now I get to pick a movie, right?" Clare specified.

"No vampires," Adam reminded. "How about True Grit? More violence! Need more."

"Didn't you get enough in that last movie?" Clare was shocked. No way was she watching another violent movie.

"How about Gone In 60 Seconds?" Eli suggested. "More awesome cars, a lot less violence."

"No. I know what I want to watch." Clare spotted the DVD on the shelf from across the room.

When she picked it out and handed it to Eli he rolled his eyes, "This is one of Cece's. I think Adam will veto anything with princess in the title."

"Are you telling me that you guys have never seen The Princess Bride? It's a classic!"

"Yeah, maybe for girls," Eli scoffed.

"Oh, I've actually seen that one. It's pretty good. I give up my veto right on this one," Adam told Eli.

Eli huffed and got up to put the movie in.

By the end of the movie Adam was passed out on the couch.

"Are you ready to go home? I can walk you home now, I'm sorry I don't have my own car anymore," Eli apologized sadly. "I could probably get Bullfrog to drive you home. If I beg he might let me borrow his car so I can drive you home myself."

"No, I want to stay," Clare verified.

"Oh, okay, we can watch another movie if you want. Then I can bring you home."

"No, Eli, I wasn't joking before. I would like to stay the night, if that is okay," Clare explained.

"O-of course that is alright with me. Your mom isn't expecting you home?" Eli inquired. He didn't want to upset Clare's mom so soon after becoming friends again; or ever, really.

Clare just shook her head no, cutely.

"Well, you can sleep in my room; I'll stay down here with Adam."

Clare just lowered her eyes and let out a sigh. She didn't want to have to spell it out for Eli. She just wanted to spend the night cuddled up to him again. Why was he making this so difficult? Weren't guys supposed to want to spend the night with their… Oh, Clare thought, what were they? She wondered if the fact that they weren't really anything was why Eli was being so hesitant.

"Okay, let's go upstairs. I'll get you all situated in my bed. I have to get some pajamas and blankets anyway."

Clare followed Eli up to his bedroom and sat on his bed while he searched through his dresser drawers.

"So… did you like my choice of movie?" Clare asked, needing to make conversation.

"Alright, Edwards, I'll give you this one. It was pretty good. Just don't tell anyone I said that. Don't want to ruin my street cred."

"So you liked it? I knew you would!" Clare felt triumphant that she picked a movie he actually liked. Eli was so hard to please with movies.

"What's not to like about a battle of wits to the death? I think that was my favorite part."

"See, I have good taste," Clare stuck her tongue out at him.

"You better watch that tongue! Next time I will bite it off," Eli joked.

Clare stuck her tongue out at him again, taunting Eli. He paused for a second, then crossed the room quickly and dove on top of Clare. He put her hands over her head and restrained her to the bed while he leaned down and pretended like he was going to bite her.

Clare struggled underneath Eli. She knew he would never really hurt her, but she got caught up in the moment. She summoned all of her strength and flipped Eli off of her then straddled him and held his hands over his head, like he had done to her.

"Don't underestimate me, Goldsworthy!" Clare leaned closer to his face and told him.

An overwhelming feeling took Eli in that moment. He leaned up as far as he could in an attempt to kiss her, but with his arms still restrained over his head, he couldn't reach Clare. He gave up and let his head fall back to the bed.

"If you want me to kiss you, you kind of have to let me free. I can't reach you like this."

"Oh," Clare giggled and released Eli's arms.

Eli leaned up on his elbows and met Clare's lips with his own. He moved his lips slowly against hers, enjoying that he was now able to kiss Clare again whenever he wanted. He had missed this.

Clare moved her hands to the back of Eli's head and massaged his neck and ran her fingers through his hair. The feeling of Clare's touch distracted Eli. He stopped kissing her for a second and sighed.

"I've missed this. Well, I mean, I've missed you," he kissed her on the cheek.

She was now concentrating on kissing Eli's neck.

"Mmmm," Eli put his hands around Clare's back and hugged her tight as he dropped back to the bed.

In the heat of the moment, Clare's t-shirt had ridden up her back. Eli let his hands skim across her smooth skin. He was pretty sure this was the most of Clare's skin that he had ever touched. His thoughts began to get away from him as his hands crept further up Clare's back. He was seriously considering pulling her t-shirt over her head and off her body. Before, she would have stopped him a long time ago, but right now she showed no signs of stopping.

"Okay, wait, stop," Eli breathed out.

"Why?" Clare asked as she sat up and slowly ran her hands down Eli's chest.

"You are okay with this? We're not going too far?" Eli asked, kind of surprised.

"No, you are perfect," Clare answered and leaned back down to continue kissing Eli.

Eli tried to shake off how daring Clare was being. He couldn't say that he didn't like it, but this was not the Clare that he had known before. All thoughts were wiped from Eli's mind, though, when Clare swiftly grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up his chest. He leaned forward and lifted his arms to let her take it completely off.

After Clare disposed of Eli's shirt, he pulled her back close to him. He needed to kiss her again, so he did. A few minutes of desperate kissed and gentle caresses passed before Clare let her kisses wander down Eli's neck and to his chest. Eli could feel his heart pounding and was sure Clare could feel it too. He was POSITIVE that he had never been shirtless in front of Clare Edwards before, let alone shirtless in a position such as this. He let his hands find Clare's hair and his fingers played with her curls. He was trying to keep his mind on something other than how amazing Clare's lips felt as they were moving down his chest.

When Clare's lips reached Eli's stomach, and her hands started fiddling with his belt, Eli was bewildered.

"We need to stop!" Eli said a bit louder than he had expected.

"No," Clare asserted. She had just successfully undone Eli's belt and was now trying to undo the button on his jeans.

"Please, Clare, stop," Eli said more gently this time as he put his hands over Clare's to move them away from the waistband of his pants.

"I don't want to stop," Clare whined. "I love you. I want to be with you. I know I was drunk last weekend, but I was serious when I said I want my first time to be with you."

"I love you, too. I would love to be with you, but we haven't even determined where our relationship is headed. Even if we had, there is no need to rush. We don't have to do everything on our first night back together." Eli couldn't believe his ears. Was Clare really telling him she wanted to have sex with him? Right now?

"Then let's do that. Where is our relationship headed? Let's talk. You're my boyfriend again, right?" Clare asked quickly.

"I guess, I—"

"Okay, boyfriend, then let me kiss you," Clare said as he leaned back down to continue kissing Eli's neck and chest.

"I'm not ready for this." Eli gently pushed Clare off of him. His head was spinning and he needed to get out.

Eli got up and walked out of his room, leaving a flabbergasted Clare sitting on his bed, alone.

Eli wasn't sure what to do or where to go. He could feel that he was on the verge of a panic attack. He couldn't let Clare see him like this. If she saw this side of him again she would certainly change her mind about wanting to get back with him. He needed to calm down, but that was much easier said than done.

The bathroom door was open, that seemed like as good a place as any else to have a mental breakdown. Eli closed the door behind him and sat on the floor, in the dark, with his back leaning up against the bathtub. The cold tile floor was actually helping him to calm down a little bit. It felt nice against his overheated skin.

A few minutes later, Eli heard a knock at the door. He chose to ignore it. He couldn't deal with anyone right now.

Again a knock came at the door.

"Eli, please open the door. Let's talk," Clare begged from the other side.

Eli lifted his head from his knees to look at the door, but he made no motion to get up and open it. He hoped that Clare would just give up and go back to bed.

Clare stood on the hallway side of the door weighing her options. She could go back to Eli's bed and try and sleep. Everything would look differently in the morning light, they could talk then. She could go home, pretend today had never happened, and go back to being just sort-of friends with Eli. No, that wouldn't do. She couldn't go back to longing for Eli's kisses and praying to be able to put her hands in his. She wouldn't be able to survive very long if that happened. There was really only one viable option.

The door creaked open a few inches. The bright hallway light lit up the bathroom and Eli could see Clare's face peeking in.

"Can I come in please?" Clare asked hopefully.

Eli just looked at her. He was trying his best to hold it together. That involved not letting her to hear how much his voice would shake if he were to speak right now.

Clare took that as a yes. She walked in and closed the door behind her. The darkness was making her a bit uneasy, but she figured it was comforting to Eli. Clare kneeled in front of him and placed her hands on his knees.

"I do really love you. I'm not making that up, I hope you know that."

Eli just shook his head yes.

Clare could see he wasn't going to talk so she continued, "I didn't mean to overwhelm you. I'm sorry. I decided what I wanted and never even took the time to think of what you might be feeling. I want you to be happy, also. I've learned that it can't always be about me anymore. I love you, so you have to let me help you."

Eli cleared his throat, "I didn't want you to see me like this. I am messed up. You don't deserve to have to deal with my crazy. You deserve someone that can love you without having a break down or a panic attack."

"Are you having a panic attack right now? What can I do? How do we make it better?" Clare asked, ignoring all Eli's talk about being crazy.

"A minor one, yes. You staying calm and just taking normal to me is helping a lot," Eli explained.

Clare took a deep breath and exhaled, "Okay, I think I can do that. I don't want you to be afraid to tell me things like this. We can't hide things from each other. When we kept secrets from each other and stopped communicating, that's when everything went to hell last time. I can't promise I won't get scared, but I will try to be supportive and I won't run away."

Eli moved from leaning against the bathtub to laying his head in Clare's lap. The warmth radiating from her body, and her sweet scent filling his nose, did wonders in relaxing him. Just knowing she was there for him made him calm down.

"What if we can't get past this? I am always going to be bipolar. I am always going to have to take medicine. I am always going to have panic attacks like this, and worse. What if you can't deal? I don't want you sticking around just because you feel bad for me." Eli was calm now. He just needed to make his thoughts known.

"I am sticking around, but not because I feel bad for you. I'm staying right here because I love you and I would be severely unhappy without you. We're starting with a clean slate, remember? You forgave me for running away and I forgive you too. For everything. All of it. Now let's get out of this bathroom and go back to your comfy bed. You owe me a stay in Hotel Eli."

"I thought we were starting over," Eli said with a genuine smile.

"Only with the bad stuff. I never want to forget all of the good times we've had."

Eli was starting to feel better now. It was as though a weight was lifted off of his chest and he could finally breath normally again.

Eli sat up, "Okay, Hotel Eli awaits, but I am not ready to have sex with you tonight. Maybe not even for a while. I need to make everything else right in my life before I make that commitment to you."

"I can be okay with that, as long as I still get to kiss you."

"You can kiss me whenever you want. In fact, it is greatly encouraged."

Clare jumped up and dragged Eli back to his bed. She was so happy that they were finally officially back together and she could be with him like this. Maybe Eli was right, maybe they just weren't ready for sex. This felt so perfect, why would she want to go further than they were comfortable with and ruin the magic? Spending the night in Eli's arms was more than good enough for her. Well, that and maybe a bunch of kisses thrown in.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope I did Eli's minor panic attack justice. I apologize, if it came off silly or something. I did not want to joke or make light of what he is going through. It is a serious situation and if he and Clare are going to get back together then they are going to have to learn to deal with this kind of stuff together. <strong>

**I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I have enjoyed writing it for you. 3**


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